I am grateful my husband didn’t get around to cleaning up the yard on the weekend, because it means he spent quality time with our son on his school project.
I am thankful for the floor that needs sweeping, the bathrooms that need cleaning and the switch that needs fixing, because it means I have a home.
I am grateful for finding the only parking spot at the far end of the car park, because it means I am able to walk.
I am thankful for the clothes that sometimes feel a little tighter around my waist, because it means I have enough to eat.
I am grateful for the huge electricity, telephone and car registration bills I have paid this week, because it means I am wealthy enough to afford these luxuries.
I am thankful for my children bickering with each other and complaining about household chores, because it means I have a healthy, normal family (and perfect hearing!)
I am grateful to clean up the weekend bomb-site on a Sunday night, because it means I have been surrounded by family and friends.
I am thankful that my back played up horrendously early in the week, because it was a reminder for me to look after myself.
I am grateful for the weariness and an aching body at the end of a big week, because it means I am capable of working hard.
I am thankful my family leaves their laundry wherever they take it off, because it means they have clothes to wear.
I am grateful that I was spoken to badly, as it taught me how to take a positive lesson from every situation.
I am thankful that I ended up getting to bed much later than planned last night, because it meant spending a couple of hours with my husband...uninterrupted.
I am grateful that the alarm clock goes off early, tearing me from my slumber, because it means that I am alive!
I am thankful that I sometimes have to push myself to get this blog done on time, because it means I get to share my beautiful life with you.
suzy x
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Believe To Receive
It is natural for us to dream about what we want in our lives...happiness, a fulfilling career, love, great friends, a nice home, health and so on.
There is a difference between daydreaming and Positive Visualization. When we daydream, we are usually looking at a blurry movie in our mind, where we are in the third person in the future or the past. When we use Positive Visualization we are in the Present. We use our imagination, emotions and our senses; imagining the sounds, smells, touch and joyful feelings of how it would “feel” to have what we want.
We can all visualize, but we are not all aware of the power of visualization.
Using Visualization will actually move us from negative thinking to positive thinking. When we see ourselves happy and in positive situations we realize that we are happy and in positive situations, the more we visualize positive things the more positive your life will become. If we focus on the negative...well, it has the same affect. We notice all the negative things around us.
If we can’t do something, can’t be something, can’t have something, we project this all around ourselves. If we use Positive Visualization, for anything, say having a great and successful day at work...it will more than likely happen...sometimes it will take longer than others and it is up to you how often you practice Visualization, how much you put into it, to feel it, believe it.
This is nothing new, it has been used by sports coaches when training athletes, doctors when patients are healing, businesses when training employees and students when approaching exams. It has been studied, written about, and there are many techniques.
Avoid at all costs what you don’t want in your life! Avoid playing your greatest fears over and over in your mind. Focus on what you do want, what you do want to be doing, what you do want to enjoy. Feel the joy from the images.
Visualization techniques can be applied to many areas of your life. Visualizing a clear image and combining it with a strong positive emotional response will help you manifest your beautiful life.
suzy x
There is a difference between daydreaming and Positive Visualization. When we daydream, we are usually looking at a blurry movie in our mind, where we are in the third person in the future or the past. When we use Positive Visualization we are in the Present. We use our imagination, emotions and our senses; imagining the sounds, smells, touch and joyful feelings of how it would “feel” to have what we want.
We can all visualize, but we are not all aware of the power of visualization.
Using Visualization will actually move us from negative thinking to positive thinking. When we see ourselves happy and in positive situations we realize that we are happy and in positive situations, the more we visualize positive things the more positive your life will become. If we focus on the negative...well, it has the same affect. We notice all the negative things around us.
If we can’t do something, can’t be something, can’t have something, we project this all around ourselves. If we use Positive Visualization, for anything, say having a great and successful day at work...it will more than likely happen...sometimes it will take longer than others and it is up to you how often you practice Visualization, how much you put into it, to feel it, believe it.
This is nothing new, it has been used by sports coaches when training athletes, doctors when patients are healing, businesses when training employees and students when approaching exams. It has been studied, written about, and there are many techniques.
Avoid at all costs what you don’t want in your life! Avoid playing your greatest fears over and over in your mind. Focus on what you do want, what you do want to be doing, what you do want to enjoy. Feel the joy from the images.
Visualization techniques can be applied to many areas of your life. Visualizing a clear image and combining it with a strong positive emotional response will help you manifest your beautiful life.
suzy x
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Yoga. Just Do It
As some of you know Beautiful Life has started holding Mother & Daughter Yoga classes here in Mermaid Beach.
This came about from a conversation Regina and I had about how much we enjoyed and what we “got” from Yoga, and how wonderful it would be to share it with our daughters. We were so excited by the idea that right there we decided to start up our own classes. We went out and found wonderful teachers, a great space and off we went.
I love the hour I get to spend with my daughter sharing the joys of Yoga. I feel I am giving her a base for a great positive self image, subtle lessons in breath and posture and some wonderful tools for dealing with life; she is learning techniques for self health, relaxation and inner fulfillment. It enhances her flexibility, strength, coordination and body awareness. It improves her concentration, sense of calmness and allows her to connect with her inner self. She is able to be a part of a physical activity that is non competitive, fostering cooperation and compassion instead off opposition.
Yoga brings out the beautiful inner light that all children have and it is a gift to give her.
Not to mention that we get to spend time with like-minded people and great role models. When you spend time with a community of people that hold the same values and hopes, it dissolves the feeling of separateness we get in the over stimulated, exhaustive world we all live in, us and our children. A group like this practicing together creates an amazing field of energy! It’s also just fun and relaxed. One of our mums said to me, “My daughter may stop doing Yoga at times in her life but she will always come back to it...and she will always be able to say, I have practiced Yoga since I was very young, I used to do it with my mother.”
With this in mind I am hoping to start up new classes of Family Yoga as soon as our Mother & Daughter classes are running smoothly, we have only just had our first month of classes. Family Yoga for all variations of family members, parents, children, grandparents, aunts or cousins!
Anyway, if you are not doing Yoga, thinking about Yoga, want to know more about Yoga, need to get back to Yoga, or love Yoga so much you can’t hear enough about it:
Here is my List of REASONS TO DO YOGA:
1. POSITIVE ATTITUDE Having Yoga in your life helps you face life’s daily challenges with positive energy in your heart. We can become more effective at problem solving as we act less emotionally and reactively to problems. When we practice Yoga we become clear in what we want and manifest our deepest desires. When we treat ourselves with more respect we treat others with more respect also. Trust, acceptance and gratitude are bi-products of self respect and we live with fewer expectations and judgments. Yoga makes us shine from the inside out: you will walk taller, with grace and a positive outlook. You will become more popular; people love to be around you when you are calm, balanced, serene and uplifted from your Yoga buzz!
2. HEALTH Yoga relaxes you and holistically addresses the body’s physical and subconscious needs. It can improve the immune system. Yoga is a powerful cleanser of our mind, body and spirit. It helps manage physical, mental and emotional signs of stress. Many Yoga poses detoxify the body. It cleans and massages your organs; releases feel good and immune boosting hormones, strengthens bones and muscles. As we heal ourselves, we can heal others, with our words, actions and smile!
3. JOYFUL LIVING Happiness does not depend on what we have- but who we are....When we do Yoga we realize we don’t need a reason to be happy, we just are. Yoga increases Mindfulness, as you become more in tune with your self inside and out. Life becomes relaxed and more fun!
Yoga is too fabulous, really it is TOO fabulous. And I am not talking about the transformed, over marketed, go hard, trendy version of a work out class. I am talking about the authentic Yoga, the real deal, where you don’t have to make your body suffer to feel the benefits. Where you are aware of what your body can do...and can’t...and that is enough.
All this talk of Yoga makes me want to practice more often, get myself a nice little set of poses I can do at home before bed, do with the kids instead of watching TV, enjoy and have fun with, and bring it into my beautiful life more and more!
suzy x
This came about from a conversation Regina and I had about how much we enjoyed and what we “got” from Yoga, and how wonderful it would be to share it with our daughters. We were so excited by the idea that right there we decided to start up our own classes. We went out and found wonderful teachers, a great space and off we went.
I love the hour I get to spend with my daughter sharing the joys of Yoga. I feel I am giving her a base for a great positive self image, subtle lessons in breath and posture and some wonderful tools for dealing with life; she is learning techniques for self health, relaxation and inner fulfillment. It enhances her flexibility, strength, coordination and body awareness. It improves her concentration, sense of calmness and allows her to connect with her inner self. She is able to be a part of a physical activity that is non competitive, fostering cooperation and compassion instead off opposition.
Yoga brings out the beautiful inner light that all children have and it is a gift to give her.
Not to mention that we get to spend time with like-minded people and great role models. When you spend time with a community of people that hold the same values and hopes, it dissolves the feeling of separateness we get in the over stimulated, exhaustive world we all live in, us and our children. A group like this practicing together creates an amazing field of energy! It’s also just fun and relaxed. One of our mums said to me, “My daughter may stop doing Yoga at times in her life but she will always come back to it...and she will always be able to say, I have practiced Yoga since I was very young, I used to do it with my mother.”
With this in mind I am hoping to start up new classes of Family Yoga as soon as our Mother & Daughter classes are running smoothly, we have only just had our first month of classes. Family Yoga for all variations of family members, parents, children, grandparents, aunts or cousins!
Anyway, if you are not doing Yoga, thinking about Yoga, want to know more about Yoga, need to get back to Yoga, or love Yoga so much you can’t hear enough about it:
Here is my List of REASONS TO DO YOGA:
1. POSITIVE ATTITUDE Having Yoga in your life helps you face life’s daily challenges with positive energy in your heart. We can become more effective at problem solving as we act less emotionally and reactively to problems. When we practice Yoga we become clear in what we want and manifest our deepest desires. When we treat ourselves with more respect we treat others with more respect also. Trust, acceptance and gratitude are bi-products of self respect and we live with fewer expectations and judgments. Yoga makes us shine from the inside out: you will walk taller, with grace and a positive outlook. You will become more popular; people love to be around you when you are calm, balanced, serene and uplifted from your Yoga buzz!
2. HEALTH Yoga relaxes you and holistically addresses the body’s physical and subconscious needs. It can improve the immune system. Yoga is a powerful cleanser of our mind, body and spirit. It helps manage physical, mental and emotional signs of stress. Many Yoga poses detoxify the body. It cleans and massages your organs; releases feel good and immune boosting hormones, strengthens bones and muscles. As we heal ourselves, we can heal others, with our words, actions and smile!
3. JOYFUL LIVING Happiness does not depend on what we have- but who we are....When we do Yoga we realize we don’t need a reason to be happy, we just are. Yoga increases Mindfulness, as you become more in tune with your self inside and out. Life becomes relaxed and more fun!
Yoga is too fabulous, really it is TOO fabulous. And I am not talking about the transformed, over marketed, go hard, trendy version of a work out class. I am talking about the authentic Yoga, the real deal, where you don’t have to make your body suffer to feel the benefits. Where you are aware of what your body can do...and can’t...and that is enough.
All this talk of Yoga makes me want to practice more often, get myself a nice little set of poses I can do at home before bed, do with the kids instead of watching TV, enjoy and have fun with, and bring it into my beautiful life more and more!
suzy x
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Love Me Do
Regina’s piece last week on Self Worth really hit a chord with a lot of people. I had conversations with people before the blog went up, who have situations where their self worth is really taking a battering.
This all got me thinking, reading, researching.
Self Esteem
Self Worth
Self Regard
Self Respect
Self Integrity
SELF LOVE
Self Love does not mean we are one of those who comes across as self obsessed or self centered. Self love is a courageous mental shift, of inner understanding. When we have true love for ourselves, we can spread it around; we cannot possibly offer genuine love to others, if we don’t see ourselves as a source of love. This is not only in our relationships, but in our deeds and actions to anyone in our community.
Write it Down:
We all have them, those broken records, those little nagging criticisms. We’ve been listening to these messages for so long now, we often don’t even hear them. But they do have their impact on our self worth. Write it down, separate it from your mind, see it on a piece of paper, and say to yourself, there I don’t need to carry that around anymore, I can leave it on that piece of paper. Remind yourself when you hear that whisper (or loud scream) to change the mental CD, or skip to a positive one, we don’t have to put up with “broken records” anymore!
Counteract the Above:
For every negative thought, find a response that counteracts it. Make it as loving, kind and positive as possible.
Ask Yourself:
Is this just that, an old thought pattern? Is it of any use to me anymore? Do the facts of my life still support this thought? Why am I letting this recur? Remind yourself you no longer need this.
What is your Mood:
How are you feeling when you have these thoughts. If you were feeling happier, well, energetic would you see the situation the same way?
The Source:
Where did I get this thought? Most things go way back, to very early relationships, traumas, coping mechanisms. So is it effective or useful anymore?
If you do know the source, reassure that little kid, teen or young adult, that smaller You. Tell them they did nothing wrong, and you are here to protect and love them now.
Make Lists:
Make a list of what you like about yourself. Modesty does not help here, nor do old criticisms. Praise for yourself is healing, and it nourishes your self worth. If you find this difficult to do, think about what you love and admire in others. Do you have those same traits, usually you do.
Make a list of compliments from others. When someone pays you a compliment or comments in a positive way about you, make a note. (Physically, like get yourself a notebook for all these notes!) This is not a replacement for your own self love, but a step towards learning to have self love. Sometimes we may need to hear it from others (and be able to read it again!) so that we can value it in ourselves. (Really get a notebook, so you can re-read all the lovely things you and others think of you, great for those days that are bummers!)
Make a list (in that new gorgeous little notebook of yours) of something you achieve, or are proud of. You can update it every day or every week, make note of these things.
Read Your New Notebook Whenever You Need a Pick up!
Give Yourself an Affirmation of Loving-kindness.
Find one that works for you. You can Google it!
I AM KIND, COMPASSIONATE, INTELLIGENT AND WISE (or use whatever words you like). Repeat this as often as you can, stick them up everywhere, or if you don’t feel comfortable with that put little notes where you will find them; in the pocket of a pair of jeans, your wallet, and the biscuit tin! Repeating is the key, a lesson we should all know by that old broken record.
A really tough one can be to look at yourself in the mirror, look deeply into your eyes, and tell You...I Love You. See the compassion, the kindness and tell yourself again.
A thing I do when I am getting a treatment on my back, is when I am lying on the table I go deep in and tell myself “I love you, I want you to feel good, I will take care of you.”
Another thing that comes to mind is a little joke my husband and I have. If one of us speaks a bit harsher than we should, the other says, “Would you speak to your best friend like that?” (In a funny jokey voice- but it works, puts it into perspective!) Maybe we need to ask ourselves that, would we tell a friend the things we tell ourselves. Talk to others like we do ourselves?
Life holds no grudges against us, it always forgives us. Does our vision of love exclude ourselves? We accept our loved ones for “who they are”; can we allow ourselves the same? When having a negative thought ask "Is this kind?" Paying attention to our (supposed) faults and flaws, being tough on ourselves does not bring change, does not make us happier. Negative, hurtful thoughts and self criticism hold back the free flow of harmony in our lives.
Encourage strengths and positives.
Think of a loved one: partner, friend or family. Close your eyes, think of everything you love about this person, how they make you feel, what you admire in them. Now imagine yourself to be that person, and how that person sees you, what they love about you, how you make them feel, what they admire in you. Imagine them feeling all the compassion and love they have for you, and the happiness you bring them. Feel their compassion and love and own it.
suzy x
This all got me thinking, reading, researching.
Self Esteem
Self Worth
Self Regard
Self Respect
Self Integrity
SELF LOVE
Self Love does not mean we are one of those who comes across as self obsessed or self centered. Self love is a courageous mental shift, of inner understanding. When we have true love for ourselves, we can spread it around; we cannot possibly offer genuine love to others, if we don’t see ourselves as a source of love. This is not only in our relationships, but in our deeds and actions to anyone in our community.
Write it Down:
We all have them, those broken records, those little nagging criticisms. We’ve been listening to these messages for so long now, we often don’t even hear them. But they do have their impact on our self worth. Write it down, separate it from your mind, see it on a piece of paper, and say to yourself, there I don’t need to carry that around anymore, I can leave it on that piece of paper. Remind yourself when you hear that whisper (or loud scream) to change the mental CD, or skip to a positive one, we don’t have to put up with “broken records” anymore!
Counteract the Above:
For every negative thought, find a response that counteracts it. Make it as loving, kind and positive as possible.
Ask Yourself:
Is this just that, an old thought pattern? Is it of any use to me anymore? Do the facts of my life still support this thought? Why am I letting this recur? Remind yourself you no longer need this.
What is your Mood:
How are you feeling when you have these thoughts. If you were feeling happier, well, energetic would you see the situation the same way?
The Source:
Where did I get this thought? Most things go way back, to very early relationships, traumas, coping mechanisms. So is it effective or useful anymore?
If you do know the source, reassure that little kid, teen or young adult, that smaller You. Tell them they did nothing wrong, and you are here to protect and love them now.
Make Lists:
Make a list of what you like about yourself. Modesty does not help here, nor do old criticisms. Praise for yourself is healing, and it nourishes your self worth. If you find this difficult to do, think about what you love and admire in others. Do you have those same traits, usually you do.
Make a list of compliments from others. When someone pays you a compliment or comments in a positive way about you, make a note. (Physically, like get yourself a notebook for all these notes!) This is not a replacement for your own self love, but a step towards learning to have self love. Sometimes we may need to hear it from others (and be able to read it again!) so that we can value it in ourselves. (Really get a notebook, so you can re-read all the lovely things you and others think of you, great for those days that are bummers!)
Make a list (in that new gorgeous little notebook of yours) of something you achieve, or are proud of. You can update it every day or every week, make note of these things.
Read Your New Notebook Whenever You Need a Pick up!
Give Yourself an Affirmation of Loving-kindness.
Find one that works for you. You can Google it!
I AM KIND, COMPASSIONATE, INTELLIGENT AND WISE (or use whatever words you like). Repeat this as often as you can, stick them up everywhere, or if you don’t feel comfortable with that put little notes where you will find them; in the pocket of a pair of jeans, your wallet, and the biscuit tin! Repeating is the key, a lesson we should all know by that old broken record.
A really tough one can be to look at yourself in the mirror, look deeply into your eyes, and tell You...I Love You. See the compassion, the kindness and tell yourself again.
A thing I do when I am getting a treatment on my back, is when I am lying on the table I go deep in and tell myself “I love you, I want you to feel good, I will take care of you.”
Another thing that comes to mind is a little joke my husband and I have. If one of us speaks a bit harsher than we should, the other says, “Would you speak to your best friend like that?” (In a funny jokey voice- but it works, puts it into perspective!) Maybe we need to ask ourselves that, would we tell a friend the things we tell ourselves. Talk to others like we do ourselves?
Life holds no grudges against us, it always forgives us. Does our vision of love exclude ourselves? We accept our loved ones for “who they are”; can we allow ourselves the same? When having a negative thought ask "Is this kind?" Paying attention to our (supposed) faults and flaws, being tough on ourselves does not bring change, does not make us happier. Negative, hurtful thoughts and self criticism hold back the free flow of harmony in our lives.
Encourage strengths and positives.
Think of a loved one: partner, friend or family. Close your eyes, think of everything you love about this person, how they make you feel, what you admire in them. Now imagine yourself to be that person, and how that person sees you, what they love about you, how you make them feel, what they admire in you. Imagine them feeling all the compassion and love they have for you, and the happiness you bring them. Feel their compassion and love and own it.
suzy x
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Living in a Material World
I have come to a tough realization, I have been pushing it away for years...I have at times meant to do something about it, I have beat myself up about it, and I have yelled at my kids about it.
My kids are greedy.
But you know what; this is completely normal. Doesn’t mean I have to like it though...and definitely means I’m going to try really hard to make a change.
How can they not be greedy??
Attractive window displays, bright packaging, weekly catalogues in our mailbox. Slick advertising aimed directly at them, newer and better fascinating toys. Christmas decorations in the shops in August. Easter Eggs in January!
And us parents rewarding good behaviour, and also bribing, buying ourselves some quiet, filling voids left by work and general busyness and alleviating our guilt over anything...with stuff.
We give them everything they want. We just want them to be happy. We want them to have what we didn’t. We want to be able to “treat” them. We want them to feel satisfied.
When you look at your child, you look in a mirror- you shape their values. Uh oh, does that mean they get it from me??
As my kids get older it becomes more and more obvious that they have been conditioned to think that they don’t have enough, they need more! To be happy they need more, but they will never have enough, there will never be enough.
They collect things, and they always need another one, another figurine, another book, but the having of the something never matches the initial drive of desiring the something...one of my kids does not so much as play with the collections as just loves having them.
I look at all the phases my children have been through, a box full of Ponies, another full of Cars...all things they have grown out of and can even hold embarrassment for owning them !
I was thinking about selling them on E-bay, so they could get more money to buy more things...then I realized that needs a re-think!
We have a system of handing down our clothes to a couple of families we know with younger kids. We need to start a new system of pulling out all the hand me down toys, and getting them to choose a charity or hospital where other children will get to enjoy them.
I am going to limit the amount of things they can own, or purchase, and once this has been reached, they can donate some of their older stuff.
Hopefully it will also teach them not to become too attached to material goods...hard when their mother has a habit of getting sentimental about things, and has been known to hold onto stuff for a bit too long!.
They do not know the joy of wanting something for a long time and then finally getting it, as we did in our childhoods. They don’t have to think about a toy for months, waiting for Christmas or birthdays, doing jobs around the house to save up...because at some point before then, they will probably end up with most things that their heart has once desired.
I am trying to figure out ways to teach my children that they can only find happiness from within, not from owning an object. I worry that this materialistic outlook is spiritually scarring them, when instead they need spiritual nourishment.
I want my children to value themselves for who they are, and what their actions are, rather than what they own. I want them to understand that contentment is a training of the heart. I want to equip myself and my children to be able to say no to “things” and not feel bad about it. I want them to know that having the most Collector Cards at school does not make them cool. That owning the latest Video Game does not get them a best friend.
I want my family to understand that we have enough things.
I need to stop rewarding their good behaviour with something bought. I need to find other incentives, like having a friend for a sleep- over, watching a special TV show, spending quality time with them and letting them choose an activity that we never find time for.
I need to realize that getting them a little something every time we go to the shops has desensitized them to the actual meaning of “treat”.
I need to realize that I am not a mean parent because my child is not getting an I Pod for his 5th birthday, broadband connected to her cubby house, or 70 inch Plasmas in their bedrooms. My husband and I should not work longer hours so they can wear the most expensive sneakers being worn.
Time is more important than money, I cannot buy love. My children will not become more socially apt, gifted or happier because of what they own.
When I think about all the things my children have nagged for, and needed desperately, or even I felt they needed desperately...none of it made them “happier”.
Not like when we all go to the beach, or have a tickle war on the couch, or sit down for dinner together and talk.
None of it.
I once read a tip on a parenting blog. Tell your children a white-lie, tell them that you are now a poor family, and the only hope of getting what they want is to get good marks at school and to behave well, and hopefully Santa will bring it at Christmas time...not such a bad idea!
Maybe it is not just our children who need to stop this un-mindful consumption, and start practicing mindful consuming.
I wonder why when we compare what we have with others, we always compare up? Would it not put things in more perspective if we compared down? Rather than our friends with the new amazing fan dangled what ever it is, try comparing what your family has with one in say Afghanistan, Zimbabwe or rural China.
And suddenly you will see how much we have in our beautiful lives.
suzy x
My kids are greedy.
But you know what; this is completely normal. Doesn’t mean I have to like it though...and definitely means I’m going to try really hard to make a change.
How can they not be greedy??
Attractive window displays, bright packaging, weekly catalogues in our mailbox. Slick advertising aimed directly at them, newer and better fascinating toys. Christmas decorations in the shops in August. Easter Eggs in January!
And us parents rewarding good behaviour, and also bribing, buying ourselves some quiet, filling voids left by work and general busyness and alleviating our guilt over anything...with stuff.
We give them everything they want. We just want them to be happy. We want them to have what we didn’t. We want to be able to “treat” them. We want them to feel satisfied.
When you look at your child, you look in a mirror- you shape their values. Uh oh, does that mean they get it from me??
As my kids get older it becomes more and more obvious that they have been conditioned to think that they don’t have enough, they need more! To be happy they need more, but they will never have enough, there will never be enough.
They collect things, and they always need another one, another figurine, another book, but the having of the something never matches the initial drive of desiring the something...one of my kids does not so much as play with the collections as just loves having them.
I look at all the phases my children have been through, a box full of Ponies, another full of Cars...all things they have grown out of and can even hold embarrassment for owning them !
I was thinking about selling them on E-bay, so they could get more money to buy more things...then I realized that needs a re-think!
We have a system of handing down our clothes to a couple of families we know with younger kids. We need to start a new system of pulling out all the hand me down toys, and getting them to choose a charity or hospital where other children will get to enjoy them.
I am going to limit the amount of things they can own, or purchase, and once this has been reached, they can donate some of their older stuff.
Hopefully it will also teach them not to become too attached to material goods...hard when their mother has a habit of getting sentimental about things, and has been known to hold onto stuff for a bit too long!.
They do not know the joy of wanting something for a long time and then finally getting it, as we did in our childhoods. They don’t have to think about a toy for months, waiting for Christmas or birthdays, doing jobs around the house to save up...because at some point before then, they will probably end up with most things that their heart has once desired.
I am trying to figure out ways to teach my children that they can only find happiness from within, not from owning an object. I worry that this materialistic outlook is spiritually scarring them, when instead they need spiritual nourishment.
I want my children to value themselves for who they are, and what their actions are, rather than what they own. I want them to understand that contentment is a training of the heart. I want to equip myself and my children to be able to say no to “things” and not feel bad about it. I want them to know that having the most Collector Cards at school does not make them cool. That owning the latest Video Game does not get them a best friend.
I want my family to understand that we have enough things.
I need to stop rewarding their good behaviour with something bought. I need to find other incentives, like having a friend for a sleep- over, watching a special TV show, spending quality time with them and letting them choose an activity that we never find time for.
I need to realize that getting them a little something every time we go to the shops has desensitized them to the actual meaning of “treat”.
I need to realize that I am not a mean parent because my child is not getting an I Pod for his 5th birthday, broadband connected to her cubby house, or 70 inch Plasmas in their bedrooms. My husband and I should not work longer hours so they can wear the most expensive sneakers being worn.
Time is more important than money, I cannot buy love. My children will not become more socially apt, gifted or happier because of what they own.
When I think about all the things my children have nagged for, and needed desperately, or even I felt they needed desperately...none of it made them “happier”.
Not like when we all go to the beach, or have a tickle war on the couch, or sit down for dinner together and talk.
None of it.
I once read a tip on a parenting blog. Tell your children a white-lie, tell them that you are now a poor family, and the only hope of getting what they want is to get good marks at school and to behave well, and hopefully Santa will bring it at Christmas time...not such a bad idea!
Maybe it is not just our children who need to stop this un-mindful consumption, and start practicing mindful consuming.
I wonder why when we compare what we have with others, we always compare up? Would it not put things in more perspective if we compared down? Rather than our friends with the new amazing fan dangled what ever it is, try comparing what your family has with one in say Afghanistan, Zimbabwe or rural China.
And suddenly you will see how much we have in our beautiful lives.
suzy x
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Karma Farmer
For the last couple of weeks I have struggled with my mindfulness and happiness.
I have been spending time with a friend who has had health issues and is in need. Friends have had fall outs with each other. I had another bout with the dreaded fatigue.
All of this has seeped into my life in a negative energy kind of way, and left me feeling flat and exhausted.
When things get on top of you, or all come at once, it is hard to tread the water and keep your head above!
I have had to go back over all my tools, re-reading certain posts from this blog, and my favorite books, to bring myself back to where I need to be.
It is easy to let sneaky negative influences creep in when all seems to be problematic. The Buddhists believe there are no problems, just situations. I am trying to focus on solutions for situations rather than the problems I first saw, because as we all know, focusing on something will just make it bigger and stronger. And there is always a solution...or there could be no problems!
I have moved away from concentrating on what is upsetting my friends or myself and really started thinking about how I can deal with the situation, without getting too emotionally involved, because if I do that and gather the negative energy, I am of no help to anyone.
I have come up with solutions that I can use, and this has left me feeling positive and active. I may not be able to solve a whole situation, but I can certainly start improvements.
So I re-read, used the tools, caught some sunlight whenever I could, rested, meditated, cleared my mind...it has been going 100 miles a millisecond with all of this. LOADS of junk mail! It has been quite a job to keep reminding myself that it is just junk mail and that I am telling myself stories when I imagine; this is happening because...or someone meant that when they said...or they must think this...all just made up stories.
When we get angry, upset or negative we want to change the external, we want someone to behave differently, or say something else, or see things our way. But it is the internal we need to concentrate on, only we can let ourselves feel negative, upset or angry with a situation. We can only change the internal. We can only really be happy when we are aware of the internal. When we feel anger, but can accept it, and make a choice not to act negatively on it, we are empowering ourselves. We have made a positive choice.
So all this was going on when I came across this Chinese saying about Karma;
If you plant melons, you will harvest melons. If you plant beans, you will harvest beans.
How true, how simple. It gave me an idea for a new tool. Karma Farming!
What if every time I planted a seed of good karma (a positive action), I actually visualize a little paddock marked say COMPASSION and I planted a little seed.
So I set up my imaginary farm. I have paddocks for all the good qualities that I deem important. I even have a paddock for each of my children; every time I am patient or kind (when feeling frazzled!) off I go to the little paddock and plant the seed. Very soon I will have many crops! And I will be repaid in the same way; I will sow my reward...because that’s how Karma works.
And it is fun! My farm is in a sweet little valley and the paddocks have charming wooden fences with arches over the gates with the name of each quality that I am sowing. I am taking great care...I’m a Karma Farmer!
suzy x
I have been spending time with a friend who has had health issues and is in need. Friends have had fall outs with each other. I had another bout with the dreaded fatigue.
All of this has seeped into my life in a negative energy kind of way, and left me feeling flat and exhausted.
When things get on top of you, or all come at once, it is hard to tread the water and keep your head above!
I have had to go back over all my tools, re-reading certain posts from this blog, and my favorite books, to bring myself back to where I need to be.
It is easy to let sneaky negative influences creep in when all seems to be problematic. The Buddhists believe there are no problems, just situations. I am trying to focus on solutions for situations rather than the problems I first saw, because as we all know, focusing on something will just make it bigger and stronger. And there is always a solution...or there could be no problems!
I have moved away from concentrating on what is upsetting my friends or myself and really started thinking about how I can deal with the situation, without getting too emotionally involved, because if I do that and gather the negative energy, I am of no help to anyone.
I have come up with solutions that I can use, and this has left me feeling positive and active. I may not be able to solve a whole situation, but I can certainly start improvements.
So I re-read, used the tools, caught some sunlight whenever I could, rested, meditated, cleared my mind...it has been going 100 miles a millisecond with all of this. LOADS of junk mail! It has been quite a job to keep reminding myself that it is just junk mail and that I am telling myself stories when I imagine; this is happening because...or someone meant that when they said...or they must think this...all just made up stories.
When we get angry, upset or negative we want to change the external, we want someone to behave differently, or say something else, or see things our way. But it is the internal we need to concentrate on, only we can let ourselves feel negative, upset or angry with a situation. We can only change the internal. We can only really be happy when we are aware of the internal. When we feel anger, but can accept it, and make a choice not to act negatively on it, we are empowering ourselves. We have made a positive choice.
So all this was going on when I came across this Chinese saying about Karma;
If you plant melons, you will harvest melons. If you plant beans, you will harvest beans.
How true, how simple. It gave me an idea for a new tool. Karma Farming!
What if every time I planted a seed of good karma (a positive action), I actually visualize a little paddock marked say COMPASSION and I planted a little seed.
So I set up my imaginary farm. I have paddocks for all the good qualities that I deem important. I even have a paddock for each of my children; every time I am patient or kind (when feeling frazzled!) off I go to the little paddock and plant the seed. Very soon I will have many crops! And I will be repaid in the same way; I will sow my reward...because that’s how Karma works.
And it is fun! My farm is in a sweet little valley and the paddocks have charming wooden fences with arches over the gates with the name of each quality that I am sowing. I am taking great care...I’m a Karma Farmer!
suzy x
Thursday, August 6, 2009
The Car Park Thief
Last week I wrote about my list of things that make me smile. But hey, I know it’s not all good times, light and happiness!
In this day and age we are surrounded by anger. We are bombarded by the media; road rage, car park rage, even shopping trolley rage. We yell abuse, give the finger and shout *beep* you at anyone and every one who annoys us.
The world is an angry place, and perhaps becoming angrier. We believe we are permitted to be angry and this allows us to find even more to be angry about. Why? Who said this was ok? Deep down we know it’s not ok.
A few years ago, I was stomping around as angry as every one else, if you irritated me then *beep* you too! At the time I was seeing a natural practitioner for my fatigue and pain, and saying “I’m soo angry...and I don’t know why, I actually have no reason to be”. So why?
I don’t know why, maybe because it is being thrust at us as an acceptable practice. Maybe because I hadn’t figured out there was an easier way to be. I think back and try and work out where my anger went, I don’t know, but I do know that since I have practiced mindfulness and chosen happiness my anger has reduced greatly.
Anger is like jealousy, both horrible emotions that leave you feeling terrible and knotted up inside. Aggression, rage, self focused and self righteous. Criticizing someone’s sense of identity, ruining someone’s happiness. It is difficult to be around angry people; it is unpleasant to be an angry person. Negative emotions rob you of your peace and happiness.
I read that when feeling anger, take a moment to ask what is it that you need right now? Sort out yourself, and then look at the situation. I used this last week in a car park. I had the kids in the car, waiting patiently for a car to back out of its space, when I hear a toot. Some lady had pulled up behind the exiting car and was gesturing at me with a very self satisfied smile that the park was hers (it wasn’t. I was there first!) The car backed out in such a way that she could zip straight in.
The old me may have pulled over and questioned her (not sure if that’s the right term!) on this. The new me still struggled with my emotions, grrrr, that look on her face, who did she think she was, grrr, I could go and kick her car (not really, but a satisfying thought!).
The kids started picking up on my anger, I thought to myself; what do I need right now...a car park...and I will find one in the next few minutes so I’ve just got to drive off and find one, and I did...left that lady behind, left the anger behind, and got on with my day.
I also use this method with my children. It’s bedtime and the routine starts; can I have a drink, a piece of apple, one more hug. I can feel very angry as I just want to relax and have some time to myself, or I can look at the situation; what do I need.
I need those two to get to sleep! I can yell, rant, threaten and it will leave us all a little worse for wear. Or I can do what needs to be done, whether it is another hug, some apple, and then firmly reminding them it is bedtime. It’s quicker and it doesn’t leave us all feeling drained.
It is my choice though, how I react, and I have to be aware of this. It doesn’t mean I don’t find it annoying, but I choose my response.
It’s like everything. You can choose anger, you can choose to jump up on your high horse, get mad, plan to get even, hold grudges, and choose to hold onto all the bitterness, pain and every yukky emotion that goes with being angry.
Or you can choose to not.
You can choose to be happy instead of “right”. You can choose to forgive. You can choose to figure out why you are angry, what do you need to sort it out for you.
You can choose how to respond to your emotions, you can choose the impact that another’s act will have on you.
You can choose to take control of your thoughts, and not allow yourself to get caught up in a negative situation.
You can know what your triggers are, kids refusing to stay in bed, that person from work pushing your buttons, partner not listening, a friend’s thoughtless remark...and react differently to the triggers, take a deep breathe, acknowledge, and find an alternative way to respond.
Friends, family members, partners, work colleagues, our children. All are capable of making us feel angry.
Imagine if we all made a conscious choice for our peace and happiness.
Imagine if we all treated each other and ourselves with understanding and empathy.
So, next time you feel ready to lose your cool over a car park... Think again, choose a beautiful life!
suzy x
In this day and age we are surrounded by anger. We are bombarded by the media; road rage, car park rage, even shopping trolley rage. We yell abuse, give the finger and shout *beep* you at anyone and every one who annoys us.
The world is an angry place, and perhaps becoming angrier. We believe we are permitted to be angry and this allows us to find even more to be angry about. Why? Who said this was ok? Deep down we know it’s not ok.
A few years ago, I was stomping around as angry as every one else, if you irritated me then *beep* you too! At the time I was seeing a natural practitioner for my fatigue and pain, and saying “I’m soo angry...and I don’t know why, I actually have no reason to be”. So why?
I don’t know why, maybe because it is being thrust at us as an acceptable practice. Maybe because I hadn’t figured out there was an easier way to be. I think back and try and work out where my anger went, I don’t know, but I do know that since I have practiced mindfulness and chosen happiness my anger has reduced greatly.
Anger is like jealousy, both horrible emotions that leave you feeling terrible and knotted up inside. Aggression, rage, self focused and self righteous. Criticizing someone’s sense of identity, ruining someone’s happiness. It is difficult to be around angry people; it is unpleasant to be an angry person. Negative emotions rob you of your peace and happiness.
I read that when feeling anger, take a moment to ask what is it that you need right now? Sort out yourself, and then look at the situation. I used this last week in a car park. I had the kids in the car, waiting patiently for a car to back out of its space, when I hear a toot. Some lady had pulled up behind the exiting car and was gesturing at me with a very self satisfied smile that the park was hers (it wasn’t. I was there first!) The car backed out in such a way that she could zip straight in.
The old me may have pulled over and questioned her (not sure if that’s the right term!) on this. The new me still struggled with my emotions, grrrr, that look on her face, who did she think she was, grrr, I could go and kick her car (not really, but a satisfying thought!).
The kids started picking up on my anger, I thought to myself; what do I need right now...a car park...and I will find one in the next few minutes so I’ve just got to drive off and find one, and I did...left that lady behind, left the anger behind, and got on with my day.
I also use this method with my children. It’s bedtime and the routine starts; can I have a drink, a piece of apple, one more hug. I can feel very angry as I just want to relax and have some time to myself, or I can look at the situation; what do I need.
I need those two to get to sleep! I can yell, rant, threaten and it will leave us all a little worse for wear. Or I can do what needs to be done, whether it is another hug, some apple, and then firmly reminding them it is bedtime. It’s quicker and it doesn’t leave us all feeling drained.
It is my choice though, how I react, and I have to be aware of this. It doesn’t mean I don’t find it annoying, but I choose my response.
It’s like everything. You can choose anger, you can choose to jump up on your high horse, get mad, plan to get even, hold grudges, and choose to hold onto all the bitterness, pain and every yukky emotion that goes with being angry.
Or you can choose to not.
You can choose to be happy instead of “right”. You can choose to forgive. You can choose to figure out why you are angry, what do you need to sort it out for you.
You can choose how to respond to your emotions, you can choose the impact that another’s act will have on you.
You can choose to take control of your thoughts, and not allow yourself to get caught up in a negative situation.
You can know what your triggers are, kids refusing to stay in bed, that person from work pushing your buttons, partner not listening, a friend’s thoughtless remark...and react differently to the triggers, take a deep breathe, acknowledge, and find an alternative way to respond.
Friends, family members, partners, work colleagues, our children. All are capable of making us feel angry.
Imagine if we all made a conscious choice for our peace and happiness.
Imagine if we all treated each other and ourselves with understanding and empathy.
So, next time you feel ready to lose your cool over a car park... Think again, choose a beautiful life!
suzy x
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
