Living in a Material World

I have come to a tough realization, I have been pushing it away for years...I have at times meant to do something about it, I have beat myself up about it, and I have yelled at my kids about it.

My kids are greedy.

But you know what; this is completely normal. Doesn’t mean I have to like it though...and definitely means I’m going to try really hard to make a change.

How can they not be greedy??

Attractive window displays, bright packaging, weekly catalogues in our mailbox. Slick advertising aimed directly at them, newer and better fascinating toys. Christmas decorations in the shops in August. Easter Eggs in January!

And us parents rewarding good behaviour, and also bribing, buying ourselves some quiet, filling voids left by work and general busyness and alleviating our guilt over anything...with stuff.

We give them everything they want. We just want them to be happy. We want them to have what we didn’t. We want to be able to “treat” them. We want them to feel satisfied.

When you look at your child, you look in a mirror- you shape their values. Uh oh, does that mean they get it from me??

As my kids get older it becomes more and more obvious that they have been conditioned to think that they don’t have enough, they need more! To be happy they need more, but they will never have enough, there will never be enough.

They collect things, and they always need another one, another figurine, another book, but the having of the something never matches the initial drive of desiring the something...one of my kids does not so much as play with the collections as just loves having them.

I look at all the phases my children have been through, a box full of Ponies, another full of Cars...all things they have grown out of and can even hold embarrassment for owning them !
I was thinking about selling them on E-bay, so they could get more money to buy more things...then I realized that needs a re-think!

We have a system of handing down our clothes to a couple of families we know with younger kids. We need to start a new system of pulling out all the hand me down toys, and getting them to choose a charity or hospital where other children will get to enjoy them.
I am going to limit the amount of things they can own, or purchase, and once this has been reached, they can donate some of their older stuff.
Hopefully it will also teach them not to become too attached to material goods...hard when their mother has a habit of getting sentimental about things, and has been known to hold onto stuff for a bit too long!.


They do not know the joy of wanting something for a long time and then finally getting it, as we did in our childhoods. They don’t have to think about a toy for months, waiting for Christmas or birthdays, doing jobs around the house to save up...because at some point before then, they will probably end up with most things that their heart has once desired.

I am trying to figure out ways to teach my children that they can only find happiness from within, not from owning an object. I worry that this materialistic outlook is spiritually scarring them, when instead they need spiritual nourishment.

I want my children to value themselves for who they are, and what their actions are, rather than what they own. I want them to understand that contentment is a training of the heart. I want to equip myself and my children to be able to say no to “things” and not feel bad about it. I want them to know that having the most Collector Cards at school does not make them cool. That owning the latest Video Game does not get them a best friend.
I want my family to understand that we have enough things.

I need to stop rewarding their good behaviour with something bought. I need to find other incentives, like having a friend for a sleep- over, watching a special TV show, spending quality time with them and letting them choose an activity that we never find time for.

I need to realize that getting them a little something every time we go to the shops has desensitized them to the actual meaning of “treat”.

I need to realize that I am not a mean parent because my child is not getting an I Pod for his 5th birthday, broadband connected to her cubby house, or 70 inch Plasmas in their bedrooms. My husband and I should not work longer hours so they can wear the most expensive sneakers being worn.

Time is more important than money, I cannot buy love. My children will not become more socially apt, gifted or happier because of what they own.

When I think about all the things my children have nagged for, and needed desperately, or even I felt they needed desperately...none of it made them “happier”.
Not like when we all go to the beach, or have a tickle war on the couch, or sit down for dinner together and talk.
None of it.

I once read a tip on a parenting blog. Tell your children a white-lie, tell them that you are now a poor family, and the only hope of getting what they want is to get good marks at school and to behave well, and hopefully Santa will bring it at Christmas time...not such a bad idea!


Maybe it is not just our children who need to stop this un-mindful consumption, and start practicing mindful consuming.

I wonder why when we compare what we have with others, we always compare up? Would it not put things in more perspective if we compared down? Rather than our friends with the new amazing fan dangled what ever it is, try comparing what your family has with one in say Afghanistan, Zimbabwe or rural China.

And suddenly you will see how much we have in our beautiful lives.

suzy x