Love Me Do

Regina’s piece last week on Self Worth really hit a chord with a lot of people. I had conversations with people before the blog went up, who have situations where their self worth is really taking a battering.

This all got me thinking, reading, researching.

Self Esteem
Self Worth
Self Regard
Self Respect
Self Integrity

SELF LOVE

Self Love does not mean we are one of those who comes across as self obsessed or self centered. Self love is a courageous mental shift, of inner understanding. When we have true love for ourselves, we can spread it around; we cannot possibly offer genuine love to others, if we don’t see ourselves as a source of love. This is not only in our relationships, but in our deeds and actions to anyone in our community.

Write it Down:
We all have them, those broken records, those little nagging criticisms. We’ve been listening to these messages for so long now, we often don’t even hear them. But they do have their impact on our self worth. Write it down, separate it from your mind, see it on a piece of paper, and say to yourself, there I don’t need to carry that around anymore, I can leave it on that piece of paper. Remind yourself when you hear that whisper (or loud scream) to change the mental CD, or skip to a positive one, we don’t have to put up with “broken records” anymore!

Counteract the Above:
For every negative thought, find a response that counteracts it. Make it as loving, kind and positive as possible.

Ask Yourself:
Is this just that, an old thought pattern? Is it of any use to me anymore? Do the facts of my life still support this thought? Why am I letting this recur? Remind yourself you no longer need this.

What is your Mood:
How are you feeling when you have these thoughts. If you were feeling happier, well, energetic would you see the situation the same way?

The Source:
Where did I get this thought? Most things go way back, to very early relationships, traumas, coping mechanisms. So is it effective or useful anymore?
If you do know the source, reassure that little kid, teen or young adult, that smaller You. Tell them they did nothing wrong, and you are here to protect and love them now.

Make Lists:
Make a list of what you like about yourself. Modesty does not help here, nor do old criticisms. Praise for yourself is healing, and it nourishes your self worth. If you find this difficult to do, think about what you love and admire in others. Do you have those same traits, usually you do.

Make a list of compliments from others. When someone pays you a compliment or comments in a positive way about you, make a note. (Physically, like get yourself a notebook for all these notes!) This is not a replacement for your own self love, but a step towards learning to have self love. Sometimes we may need to hear it from others (and be able to read it again!) so that we can value it in ourselves. (Really get a notebook, so you can re-read all the lovely things you and others think of you, great for those days that are bummers!)

Make a list (in that new gorgeous little notebook of yours) of something you achieve, or are proud of. You can update it every day or every week, make note of these things.

Read Your New Notebook Whenever You Need a Pick up!

Give Yourself an Affirmation of Loving-kindness.
Find one that works for you. You can Google it!
I AM KIND, COMPASSIONATE, INTELLIGENT AND WISE (or use whatever words you like). Repeat this as often as you can, stick them up everywhere, or if you don’t feel comfortable with that put little notes where you will find them; in the pocket of a pair of jeans, your wallet, and the biscuit tin! Repeating is the key, a lesson we should all know by that old broken record.
A really tough one can be to look at yourself in the mirror, look deeply into your eyes, and tell You...I Love You. See the compassion, the kindness and tell yourself again.
A thing I do when I am getting a treatment on my back, is when I am lying on the table I go deep in and tell myself “I love you, I want you to feel good, I will take care of you.”

Another thing that comes to mind is a little joke my husband and I have. If one of us speaks a bit harsher than we should, the other says, “Would you speak to your best friend like that?” (In a funny jokey voice- but it works, puts it into perspective!) Maybe we need to ask ourselves that, would we tell a friend the things we tell ourselves. Talk to others like we do ourselves?


Life holds no grudges against us, it always forgives us. Does our vision of love exclude ourselves? We accept our loved ones for “who they are”; can we allow ourselves the same? When having a negative thought ask "Is this kind?" Paying attention to our (supposed) faults and flaws, being tough on ourselves does not bring change, does not make us happier. Negative, hurtful thoughts and self criticism hold back the free flow of harmony in our lives.
Encourage strengths and positives.

Think of a loved one: partner, friend or family. Close your eyes, think of everything you love about this person, how they make you feel, what you admire in them. Now imagine yourself to be that person, and how that person sees you, what they love about you, how you make them feel, what they admire in you. Imagine them feeling all the compassion and love they have for you, and the happiness you bring them. Feel their compassion and love and own it.

suzy x