Last Sunday, which was Boxing Day- the day after Christmas, I happened to read in the paper about a UK study at Essex University of which its research shows that spending 5 minutes just looking at foliage can relieve stress. That exposure to nature can alleviate depression and anxiety, lower blood pressure and improve health and self esteem. A short stroll, or just giving your self 5 minutes in a green space can do this.
I can totally relate to this. I quite often stare at the leaves rustling in the breeze on one of the trees in our yard when I need to get into the now, and help to move my mind away from something that is worrying me. A little like watching rolling waves or flickering flames I guess.
It was amusing to read the article on this particular Boxing Day, as our whole Christmas period has been a deluge of persistent rain. So of course there have been periods of “cabin-fever” in our home, with us all being indoors for long interludes. Thankfully the weather is still warm enough, and kids love to swim in the rain, so we are not completely on ‘lock in”. Though when the noise level has hit an all time high, because little people’s level of excitement on Christmas day really does hit the all time high, I have found myself staring at the palm trees that surround our home, deliciously dripping with rain, looking a stunningly vivid green and freshly washed.
So what are some other tried and true ways to “Stress Less” I started to wonder?
Number One would have to be Breathing.
Breathing clears the head, calms the nerves and relaxes the muscles.
I have previously written a Blog on Breathing, it’s virtues and some techniques in “Don’t Forget To Breathe” July 2009
Unplug.
I find that when our household stress levels reach a peak, I can usually count on finding the TV, a computer or two, and even an electronic game all on around our home, blaring away to some or none, adding to the noise.
Turning them all off, making every one unplug, chill out, find something to do, read a book, go for a walk, chat or play together…it always seems to work.
It remarkably ends bickering between my two children almost instantly.
When feeling stressed, it is because we find ourselves Unbalanced.
All our energies are going to one area of our lives in particular, be it work, home, or something else entirely. When we are unbalanced, we are “stretched” beyond our comfort. Find more balance for yourself; don’t spend your time at home thinking about work, or visa versa.
Do not let one area take over your life!
Spread yourself evenly to avoid the ‘stretch’.
When feeling overwhelmed with particular workloads, allocate time frames to achieve what you need to do.
I have been working for most of this past year on two films, and my house is badly in need of a long over due Spring Clean. Instead of stressing out about this at this particularly busy time of Christmas, I have given myself a goal of when to get it done by…which happens to be February, as I also have a lot of study to catch up on in January, and again, instead of stressing my self out about that, I am prioritising what needs to be caught up on first- Study, then the Big Clean up.
Don’t add to your stress, by thinking about tasks ahead of you, just concentrate on the one at hand.
And for me and my family, that is too enjoy the Christmas and New Year Break together, in a relaxed way after a busy year.
Ground Yourself. There are many ways to do this. One very popular way is by getting into nature, pretty much what the above-mentioned study is about. Walking barefoot on the sand or grass, sitting on a rock, lying on your lawn, or under a tree, sifting soil or sand through your hand, gardening…staring at a tree.
Some prefer to gain their grounding through water, dipping their feet into a creek, or walking along the beach, and best of all, easy and well worth it, running a warm bath, adding Epsom salts and soaking for 20 mins.
Whether it is a calming drumbeat, being in nature or just breathing, practice techniques that you can use to ground yourself.
Look it up, research it, practice some find something that works for you and that you like, then remember it as your special grounding technique for when you recognize you feel stressed, and put it to use.
You may be thinking; but hey- I don’t live next to the ocean, a creek, a park or even have immediate access to any of this, and what if I’m at work, or in the car? You can still use memories and visualizations of these experiences, and you can have a pot plant in most all places…except probably the car! I have a beautiful Peace Lily at the moment, which I take great joy in tending, though I’m not particularly a gardener type. My husband’s Mother told me about a time she had a panic attack on a plane, which was very unusual for her, but due to the stress off being at an unfamiliar and large international airport and also running late; as she sat down it just happened. She visualized about how she would be home soon and walking her dog on the beach, and the focusing on these calming and pleasant thoughts got her through the stress she was feeling intensely in that moment.
The Basic Self Care Rules really apply to times when you are stressed.
Make sure you are eating well, drinking water, taking walks, listening to music and getting enough sleep.
Fairly basic, and very true.
If we are lacking in these basic areas, we tend to hit our stressed out levels quite quickly and easily.
Eliminate your worries, work on ways you can deal with them.
Think about what your top 5 list of worries that cause you stress are; e.g. Finances, Weight, Work, Family.
Deal with one topic on your list for at least a week (more if it needs).
Think it through, think of ways you could make it less stressful.
Is there something you could do to make the situation improve?
Is it something that you could think through further and learn to accept?
Is there someone you could discuss it with?
Are there actions you can take to help you with the stress the issue causes?
Are there actions that will eliminate this as an issue?
Practice Optimistic and Positive thoughts.
Thoughts are powerful; they can affect your attitude and your situation. They can alleviate your stress, or at least lower the levels.
So next time you feel stressed out, spend 5 minutes with a tree, take a deep breath, press your fingers into the ground, afterwards, give over to your more positive thoughts, and let yourself find the ways to overcome your stress naturally.
And continue on with your un-stressed beautiful life
suzy x
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Sunday, October 17, 2010
The Joy of being 40
I have often joked that if I knew how it felt to be 40 years old, I would have done it 15 years ago!
I love being on the “grown up” journey, when you start to truly understand yourself and recognize the things you “need”.
I look at the friends and family in my life, and I know that over the last few years the people around me have become a supportive and loving assemblage. Gone are the days of younger years- comparing, “bitching” and judging. I like to think my “friendship tree” has been pruned down to the essentials. Sometimes you just got to cut some branches off. Age has bought the realisation that I am better off to share my time with people who offer positive aspects to my life.
I am able to feel responsible for my own state of being; I don’t rely on others to produce happiness for me. I get through painful and hurtful times, by remembering it is only my take on someone’s actions that brings pain and hurt into my life.
I feel old enough to be able to be comfortable with who I am.
I don’t need to carry life’s burdens. I look for ways to understand them, accept them, and grow from them. I can always find a positive outlook on these situations…there is always something good that comes from these times.
I no longer expect to be with my soul mate, in fact I believe in soul mates about as much as I do a happy Hollywood ending. I am married to a man though, that I recognize love in most all of his actions. And I do know that when I am 80 years old sitting back and sipping a cider (though I don’t drink cider now it feels it might be an appropriate tipple at 80!)…It’s his hand I want to be holding.
My work ethic has changed. All about me has a different meaning to the “all about me” of my youth. All about me means that I do the best I can do, in the best way I can. I do not let myself be held to other people’s expectations, as I securely know I have done the best I can.
I am also in the process of altering my career, to something I feel more attuned to. My new path is about what I want to be doing, and what I know will give me immense fulfilment, it fills a long held desire of what I feel is my “true calling”. It is a change that will not only benefit myself, but my family. I am so very excited by this change, and it brings me so much joy to be planning it out. I have pondered over this for many years, not being able to quite put my finger on exactly “what” it was that I wanted to do. Not have I only been able to realise it, but I may be able to even blend it into my current work life, merging the two together, until a new path becomes the way.
I have a stronger understanding of my own opinions now, and yet, I also have a greater acceptance of others opinions. I do not need for everyone to agree with me. I enjoy hearing other’s beliefs and thoughts, learning from them, taking the bits that make a fit with mine, even changing how I originally felt about something, always growing stronger in the heart of my belief system.
I trust my own judgement more than I ever did, yet am able to accept that I can make errors, and I am able to forgive myself for these.
I am more patient. I am able to sit and wait things out, or just accept what I cannot change.
I don’t need other’s approval. My relationship with myself gets stronger and healthier with every birthday. All I need is my approval, based on my knowledge of that what I am doing is right for myself and for those around me.
I have learnt to be grateful. I have learnt how to have gratitude in my life. I am grateful for things that never would have crossed my mind at 25!
And best of all I get to enjoy more grown up things like a fabulous new blend of green tea, my women’s group, making healthy choices over partying lifestyle and being a kinder person.
I love this beautiful aging process, and it is amazing to realise I am only half way through it! I am looking forward to each decade. For the knowledge it brings, the contentment…the shift in consciousness.
So much to look forward to in this beautiful life.
suzy x
I love being on the “grown up” journey, when you start to truly understand yourself and recognize the things you “need”.
I look at the friends and family in my life, and I know that over the last few years the people around me have become a supportive and loving assemblage. Gone are the days of younger years- comparing, “bitching” and judging. I like to think my “friendship tree” has been pruned down to the essentials. Sometimes you just got to cut some branches off. Age has bought the realisation that I am better off to share my time with people who offer positive aspects to my life.
I am able to feel responsible for my own state of being; I don’t rely on others to produce happiness for me. I get through painful and hurtful times, by remembering it is only my take on someone’s actions that brings pain and hurt into my life.
I feel old enough to be able to be comfortable with who I am.
I don’t need to carry life’s burdens. I look for ways to understand them, accept them, and grow from them. I can always find a positive outlook on these situations…there is always something good that comes from these times.
I no longer expect to be with my soul mate, in fact I believe in soul mates about as much as I do a happy Hollywood ending. I am married to a man though, that I recognize love in most all of his actions. And I do know that when I am 80 years old sitting back and sipping a cider (though I don’t drink cider now it feels it might be an appropriate tipple at 80!)…It’s his hand I want to be holding.
My work ethic has changed. All about me has a different meaning to the “all about me” of my youth. All about me means that I do the best I can do, in the best way I can. I do not let myself be held to other people’s expectations, as I securely know I have done the best I can.
I am also in the process of altering my career, to something I feel more attuned to. My new path is about what I want to be doing, and what I know will give me immense fulfilment, it fills a long held desire of what I feel is my “true calling”. It is a change that will not only benefit myself, but my family. I am so very excited by this change, and it brings me so much joy to be planning it out. I have pondered over this for many years, not being able to quite put my finger on exactly “what” it was that I wanted to do. Not have I only been able to realise it, but I may be able to even blend it into my current work life, merging the two together, until a new path becomes the way.
I have a stronger understanding of my own opinions now, and yet, I also have a greater acceptance of others opinions. I do not need for everyone to agree with me. I enjoy hearing other’s beliefs and thoughts, learning from them, taking the bits that make a fit with mine, even changing how I originally felt about something, always growing stronger in the heart of my belief system.
I trust my own judgement more than I ever did, yet am able to accept that I can make errors, and I am able to forgive myself for these.
I am more patient. I am able to sit and wait things out, or just accept what I cannot change.
I don’t need other’s approval. My relationship with myself gets stronger and healthier with every birthday. All I need is my approval, based on my knowledge of that what I am doing is right for myself and for those around me.
I have learnt to be grateful. I have learnt how to have gratitude in my life. I am grateful for things that never would have crossed my mind at 25!
And best of all I get to enjoy more grown up things like a fabulous new blend of green tea, my women’s group, making healthy choices over partying lifestyle and being a kinder person.
I love this beautiful aging process, and it is amazing to realise I am only half way through it! I am looking forward to each decade. For the knowledge it brings, the contentment…the shift in consciousness.
So much to look forward to in this beautiful life.
suzy x
Friday, August 13, 2010
You are how YOU eat.
I have a confession to make; I am a terrible eater.
I wolf down my breakfast whilst standing at the kitchen counter, as I make the kid’s school lunches and coax them into hurrying up to get ready. I have even eaten my breakfast in the car on the way to work, sitting at the lights gulping down my cereal, trying not to spill it on myself as I negotiate the busy morning traffic.
Come lunchtime and I’m either at my computer at work or in front of some riveting television show such as Doctor Phil at home. Barely aware of what I am consuming, let alone how much.
After my busy day I gorge my dinner, concentrating only on satiating my appetite.
Eating is not a race, and really no one will come along and steal it from me if I don’t eat it fast enough. So why the hurry?
I don’t know how or when I picked up such terrible eating habits.
I remember having to speed it up a notch once I started breast feeding my first child- there was no time for dilly-dallying, I only had a small window of opportunity to get some food into my ravenous system!
I have decided to become a Mindful Eater and form an Eating Slowly Plan.
I will start with visualizing. I am going to visualize myself eating slowly for a short time every day, a little like an elite athlete in training before a competition.
I will begin by setting aside time for eating.
Not reading, not on the computer, not in front of the TV, not mindlessly doing something while I consume.
I will try to set up a system where I have 15-20 minutes to enjoy my meal.
Righto, once I get that down I should be all prepared and ready to go!
I will relax, take a few deep breaths, a sip of water, and acknowledge the food I am about to eat. I will be aware of what I am going to eat. Noting the name of the food, the look of the meal, lean forward and smell the different aromas. I may even give a little thank you to the food, that’s kind of sweet!
I will sit down with my plate of food. I will use smaller utensils- I knew there was a reason I held onto the kid’s toddler cutlery! I may even have to employ chopsticks- all the better to not heap up on my shovel, I mean fork. I will place my utensils down between each mouthful.
I am thinking it will be a good idea to cut my food into a tiny piece for each mouthful, making it easier to chew up completely, and much better than my usual very bad habit of “mashing” it all together which is now I think about it- all the better for shovelling! Or another favourite, getting lockjaw, whilst I attempt to get my mouth around another huge mouthful.
With all these new techniques I will be able to stop burning my mouth on a whole dumpling at Yum Cha- I will have to take along my toddler cutlery though!
I will chew slowly, I will taste, and I will deliberately notice textures and flavours. Well hello Coriander, aren’t you delightful!
I will chew till the flavours slowly decrease.
I will swallow completely.
I will sip water.
Before I take the next mouthful.
I will be aware of the people I am sharing my meal with. I will discuss the meal, after I have finished chewing and swallowing of course, not with my half full mouth covered by my hand!
I will enjoy my food.
I will change my relationship with food.
Eating slowly and chewing well will also aid my digestion. Mindful Eating will trigger the sensors that allow me to realize I am satisfied, not as hungry anymore. I will avoid overeating, and therefore maintain a healthy weight.
I am thinking by eating like this, it will give me another opportunity to “de-stress” my day. Taking time out. From the race, the pace, the busyness.
Just a sandwich, peace and quiet and me.
Mindfulness while eating — being fully present with food — can be both enjoyable and relaxing.
Thich Nhat Hanh, the Buddhist monk, encourages eating an orange slowly, being present at every stage from first breaking the peel to the last drop of juice.
The following meditation is an adaptation of Hanh’s exercise that can be used with any favourite fruit. Plan to spend ten minutes or longer on this exercise, and schedule it at a time without interruptions.
1. Breath deeply three times, slowly and carefully, or until one feels connected to the self.
2. Pick up the orange (or other fruit) and hold it in the palm of the hand. Feel its texture. Notice its colour. Spend some time examining and enjoying the orange.
3. Slowly begin to peel the orange. Notice the change that occurs under the orange’s skin. Take time to smell the orange. Gently stroke the exposed flesh.
4. When the orange is peeled, pick up a segment. Bite into it, and close the eyes to concentrate fully on the orange’s flavour. Do not take another bite until all of the previous bite is gone.
5. Pause occasionally to reflect on any new sensations from eating the orange.
6. When the orange is gone, focus again on the self with several deep breaths. When ready, open the eyes.
The orange meditation might offer a welcome afternoon snack break at work or at any time when one desires to combine a healthy food with some time out from life.
If having trouble focusing on the orange, stop and take a few deep breaths to centre the self. Then try, again, to soak in the details of the orange. Take as much time as desired, and be certain to not put too much pressure on the self during the exercise. Indeed, there is no wrong way to eat an orange.
I am really looking forward to bringing this Mindfulness method into my life, to be able to experience and enjoy food in the moment.
Beautiful food, beautiful moment, beautiful life.
suzy x
I wolf down my breakfast whilst standing at the kitchen counter, as I make the kid’s school lunches and coax them into hurrying up to get ready. I have even eaten my breakfast in the car on the way to work, sitting at the lights gulping down my cereal, trying not to spill it on myself as I negotiate the busy morning traffic.
Come lunchtime and I’m either at my computer at work or in front of some riveting television show such as Doctor Phil at home. Barely aware of what I am consuming, let alone how much.
After my busy day I gorge my dinner, concentrating only on satiating my appetite.
Eating is not a race, and really no one will come along and steal it from me if I don’t eat it fast enough. So why the hurry?
I don’t know how or when I picked up such terrible eating habits.
I remember having to speed it up a notch once I started breast feeding my first child- there was no time for dilly-dallying, I only had a small window of opportunity to get some food into my ravenous system!
I have decided to become a Mindful Eater and form an Eating Slowly Plan.
I will start with visualizing. I am going to visualize myself eating slowly for a short time every day, a little like an elite athlete in training before a competition.
I will begin by setting aside time for eating.
Not reading, not on the computer, not in front of the TV, not mindlessly doing something while I consume.
I will try to set up a system where I have 15-20 minutes to enjoy my meal.
Righto, once I get that down I should be all prepared and ready to go!
I will relax, take a few deep breaths, a sip of water, and acknowledge the food I am about to eat. I will be aware of what I am going to eat. Noting the name of the food, the look of the meal, lean forward and smell the different aromas. I may even give a little thank you to the food, that’s kind of sweet!
I will sit down with my plate of food. I will use smaller utensils- I knew there was a reason I held onto the kid’s toddler cutlery! I may even have to employ chopsticks- all the better to not heap up on my shovel, I mean fork. I will place my utensils down between each mouthful.
I am thinking it will be a good idea to cut my food into a tiny piece for each mouthful, making it easier to chew up completely, and much better than my usual very bad habit of “mashing” it all together which is now I think about it- all the better for shovelling! Or another favourite, getting lockjaw, whilst I attempt to get my mouth around another huge mouthful.
With all these new techniques I will be able to stop burning my mouth on a whole dumpling at Yum Cha- I will have to take along my toddler cutlery though!
I will chew slowly, I will taste, and I will deliberately notice textures and flavours. Well hello Coriander, aren’t you delightful!
I will chew till the flavours slowly decrease.
I will swallow completely.
I will sip water.
Before I take the next mouthful.
I will be aware of the people I am sharing my meal with. I will discuss the meal, after I have finished chewing and swallowing of course, not with my half full mouth covered by my hand!
I will enjoy my food.
I will change my relationship with food.
Eating slowly and chewing well will also aid my digestion. Mindful Eating will trigger the sensors that allow me to realize I am satisfied, not as hungry anymore. I will avoid overeating, and therefore maintain a healthy weight.
I am thinking by eating like this, it will give me another opportunity to “de-stress” my day. Taking time out. From the race, the pace, the busyness.
Just a sandwich, peace and quiet and me.
Mindfulness while eating — being fully present with food — can be both enjoyable and relaxing.
Thich Nhat Hanh, the Buddhist monk, encourages eating an orange slowly, being present at every stage from first breaking the peel to the last drop of juice.
The following meditation is an adaptation of Hanh’s exercise that can be used with any favourite fruit. Plan to spend ten minutes or longer on this exercise, and schedule it at a time without interruptions.
1. Breath deeply three times, slowly and carefully, or until one feels connected to the self.
2. Pick up the orange (or other fruit) and hold it in the palm of the hand. Feel its texture. Notice its colour. Spend some time examining and enjoying the orange.
3. Slowly begin to peel the orange. Notice the change that occurs under the orange’s skin. Take time to smell the orange. Gently stroke the exposed flesh.
4. When the orange is peeled, pick up a segment. Bite into it, and close the eyes to concentrate fully on the orange’s flavour. Do not take another bite until all of the previous bite is gone.
5. Pause occasionally to reflect on any new sensations from eating the orange.
6. When the orange is gone, focus again on the self with several deep breaths. When ready, open the eyes.
The orange meditation might offer a welcome afternoon snack break at work or at any time when one desires to combine a healthy food with some time out from life.
If having trouble focusing on the orange, stop and take a few deep breaths to centre the self. Then try, again, to soak in the details of the orange. Take as much time as desired, and be certain to not put too much pressure on the self during the exercise. Indeed, there is no wrong way to eat an orange.
I am really looking forward to bringing this Mindfulness method into my life, to be able to experience and enjoy food in the moment.
Beautiful food, beautiful moment, beautiful life.
suzy x
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Love is not Controlled
I love that I am free to be me…
I love that the people I love don’t want to control me or change me. I love that they allow me to be me, that they love me for who I am and how I am.
Love is not Control. Wanting to Control a loved one is a weakness, an insecurity that comes from you and your self-doubts.
How often have we had people in our lives, partners, family, friends, our children; who try to control us, or we try to control them.
Love is freedom; to allow the person we love to be themselves…the very self that we love.
When we start a new relationship (and from hereon when I say relationship I mean all relationships, family, friends, partners) there are always so many things about the person that we find to love, in fact we love 99 % of all that is them!
Then sadly for some relationships what were once the very things we loved become an issue and we want to control it, change it…change them.
We have all known this situation; an open, friendly, bubbly person being told to tone down their behavior by someone in their life who cannot handle the free spirit of their loved one.
And as I said, it is not always a partner; it can be a friend or family member too.
I am very blessed to be married to a man who allows me to be me.
He has NEVER asked me to change ONE THING about myself.
During our Wedding Speech, I thanked him for loving me…the way I need to be loved, as he does this so beautifully.
I have had to learn to be as Zen as him!
Back in the early days of our relationship when I was younger and emotionally immature I too wanted to control the things an insecure girlfriend does, his friends, what he was doing, how he should treat me… but thankfully I did learn from him and saw that allowing him to be who he is was much healthier for us and an absolute freedom in our relationship.
When he was free to be just him, he was the man I fell in love with, and that is the man who loves me just as I am!
We always laugh off our different opinions, tastes, and thoughts on life.
And man, do we have some differences of opinion! We make fun of it and enjoy it. We don’t need each other to see, do and think all things the same. That would be kind of weird and probably very boring too!
I have been in controlling relationships though, and they were definitely no fun.
The usual; boyfriends and friends who are no longer.
I have even seen grown children trying to control a parent, grown siblings trying to control each other, as if it is some reflection on them by how the family member behaves.
There was recently someone in my life that I was extremely close to. At the time it felt we were in an incredibly loving and supportive relationship. This person was often suggesting ways I could improve myself, my family life, and even my friendships. The more I came to rely on this person’s views the more I started second-guessing my own opinions, attitudes and actions. It became a situation of walking on eggshells for me, from fear I could do something that was “wrong” and be admonished for…again. I was losing all sense of who I was and what I was about, I lost trust in myself and felt very confused, and then the relationship literally imploded on us.
Friends later spoke of being surprised at how controlled I had become and that I wasn’t recognizable as the Suzy they knew when I was around this person.
I don’t know if the person even realized herself that there appeared to be an absolute need of control over me, but the relationship had to end, as neither of us was “free” anymore.
Now I have my own children, I have had to find the balance between guiding and controlling.
Yes, when they are behaving terribly in front of others, I would love to wield my control as a powerful tool, and get them to behave exactly as I would wish. But it is important that I get this just right, that I don’t crush whom they are in my desire to get them to be whom I would like. I do not want my children to fear that they have failed to be exactly how I want them to be; I want them to know that they are loved and accepted for exactly who they are.
I guess it’s a little like this, I can control what they eat for dinner, but I cannot control their tastes- their likes or dislikes or their comments and opinions on what we are eating!
As always it pays to remember that we are only in control of our own thoughts and actions.
There is never “right or wrong”…there just “is”.
“Trying to change someone is a waste of time. The very thought of changing someone is saying that they are not good enough as they are, and it is soaked with judgment and disapproval. That is not a thought of appreciation or love, and those thoughts will only bring separation between you and that person.
You must look for the good in people to have more of it appear. As you look only for the good things in a person, you will be amazed at what your new focus reveals.” –Rhonda Byrne. The Secret Daily Teachings
I accept the beautiful people, just as they are, in my beautiful life.
suzy x
I love that the people I love don’t want to control me or change me. I love that they allow me to be me, that they love me for who I am and how I am.
Love is not Control. Wanting to Control a loved one is a weakness, an insecurity that comes from you and your self-doubts.
How often have we had people in our lives, partners, family, friends, our children; who try to control us, or we try to control them.
Love is freedom; to allow the person we love to be themselves…the very self that we love.
When we start a new relationship (and from hereon when I say relationship I mean all relationships, family, friends, partners) there are always so many things about the person that we find to love, in fact we love 99 % of all that is them!
Then sadly for some relationships what were once the very things we loved become an issue and we want to control it, change it…change them.
We have all known this situation; an open, friendly, bubbly person being told to tone down their behavior by someone in their life who cannot handle the free spirit of their loved one.
And as I said, it is not always a partner; it can be a friend or family member too.
I am very blessed to be married to a man who allows me to be me.
He has NEVER asked me to change ONE THING about myself.
During our Wedding Speech, I thanked him for loving me…the way I need to be loved, as he does this so beautifully.
I have had to learn to be as Zen as him!
Back in the early days of our relationship when I was younger and emotionally immature I too wanted to control the things an insecure girlfriend does, his friends, what he was doing, how he should treat me… but thankfully I did learn from him and saw that allowing him to be who he is was much healthier for us and an absolute freedom in our relationship.
When he was free to be just him, he was the man I fell in love with, and that is the man who loves me just as I am!
We always laugh off our different opinions, tastes, and thoughts on life.
And man, do we have some differences of opinion! We make fun of it and enjoy it. We don’t need each other to see, do and think all things the same. That would be kind of weird and probably very boring too!
I have been in controlling relationships though, and they were definitely no fun.
The usual; boyfriends and friends who are no longer.
I have even seen grown children trying to control a parent, grown siblings trying to control each other, as if it is some reflection on them by how the family member behaves.
There was recently someone in my life that I was extremely close to. At the time it felt we were in an incredibly loving and supportive relationship. This person was often suggesting ways I could improve myself, my family life, and even my friendships. The more I came to rely on this person’s views the more I started second-guessing my own opinions, attitudes and actions. It became a situation of walking on eggshells for me, from fear I could do something that was “wrong” and be admonished for…again. I was losing all sense of who I was and what I was about, I lost trust in myself and felt very confused, and then the relationship literally imploded on us.
Friends later spoke of being surprised at how controlled I had become and that I wasn’t recognizable as the Suzy they knew when I was around this person.
I don’t know if the person even realized herself that there appeared to be an absolute need of control over me, but the relationship had to end, as neither of us was “free” anymore.
Now I have my own children, I have had to find the balance between guiding and controlling.
Yes, when they are behaving terribly in front of others, I would love to wield my control as a powerful tool, and get them to behave exactly as I would wish. But it is important that I get this just right, that I don’t crush whom they are in my desire to get them to be whom I would like. I do not want my children to fear that they have failed to be exactly how I want them to be; I want them to know that they are loved and accepted for exactly who they are.
I guess it’s a little like this, I can control what they eat for dinner, but I cannot control their tastes- their likes or dislikes or their comments and opinions on what we are eating!
As always it pays to remember that we are only in control of our own thoughts and actions.
There is never “right or wrong”…there just “is”.
“Trying to change someone is a waste of time. The very thought of changing someone is saying that they are not good enough as they are, and it is soaked with judgment and disapproval. That is not a thought of appreciation or love, and those thoughts will only bring separation between you and that person.
You must look for the good in people to have more of it appear. As you look only for the good things in a person, you will be amazed at what your new focus reveals.” –Rhonda Byrne. The Secret Daily Teachings
I accept the beautiful people, just as they are, in my beautiful life.
suzy x
Friday, June 25, 2010
Nation Inspiration
I have been on an Inspiration Mission.
Feeling inspired, finding inspiration and hopefully inspiring others at times.
I have been inspired to make changes in my life.
My husband and I have recently been inspired to make a tree change.
Yep, we want to rent out our beach side home, to enable a move onto acreage, with space and trees and fresh air.
If you had told me this a year ago, I would have laughed, and told you that I am an urban girl through and through.
But lately I have taken up hiking and being in the beautiful nature of our local hinterland rainforest has inspired me.
Our children have just turned 8 and 9 years old, and before they morph into teenagers wanting to be in the hub of it all, near the shopping centre’s, beach and friends we want give them the chance to climb and run, have chickens, ride motorbikes and explore.
I have been inspired to change my career, at the age of 41. I am not only inspired, but I am full of excitement and passion about my new chosen field, which I will begin studying later in the year…watch this space!
I have even cut off my hair recently, inspired by change, being able to let go of the old and embracing the new...
I have been inspired by a friend who just recently told me she has been writing a book, and is now in the process of self-publishing. Wow!
I am inspired with the conversations I have weekly with Roger who is treating my back. When we have like minded conversation with like minded people, talking of inspirational outlooks, we walk away with more air in our spine, like we are on tippy toes, and a big smile plastered on our souls.
My kids mastering skateboarding is inspirational, the look of determination on their faces, the commitment to getting back on after falling off and to keep on practicing…and the fact that one of us takes them to the local skate park most days, could be considered inspirational too!
My friends who are working mothers, and keeping it all together, raising happy kids, feeding them healthy (most of the time!) meals and running a home are an inspiration to all.
I am choosing books that I know will inspire me, about remarkable people and remarkable concepts.
I search out inspirational quotes, to remind me that a positive outlook on life will inspire a positive life.
Men inspire me. Men who treat women, children and themselves with dignity. Men, who are unafraid to love, care for and be a hands on family member.
Our children’s teachers, day care minders and sports coaches inspire me.
People who share what their knowledge and experience in the hope it will inspire and help others, truly inspire me!
Successful people inspire me; because I know they have had to be focused, positive, passionate and inspired to achieve what they have.
I am even more inspired by the ones who are doing it tough, doing everything they can, with what they have and focusing on keeping it optimistic, knowing that if they do this, everything will turn out okay!
Inspiration is every where, I look for it, read about it and see it- because I know that if I continually feel inspired, I will continue to grow and move forward, attaining all the things I want in my life.
My beautiful life.
suzy x
Feeling inspired, finding inspiration and hopefully inspiring others at times.
I have been inspired to make changes in my life.
My husband and I have recently been inspired to make a tree change.
Yep, we want to rent out our beach side home, to enable a move onto acreage, with space and trees and fresh air.
If you had told me this a year ago, I would have laughed, and told you that I am an urban girl through and through.
But lately I have taken up hiking and being in the beautiful nature of our local hinterland rainforest has inspired me.
Our children have just turned 8 and 9 years old, and before they morph into teenagers wanting to be in the hub of it all, near the shopping centre’s, beach and friends we want give them the chance to climb and run, have chickens, ride motorbikes and explore.
I have been inspired to change my career, at the age of 41. I am not only inspired, but I am full of excitement and passion about my new chosen field, which I will begin studying later in the year…watch this space!
I have even cut off my hair recently, inspired by change, being able to let go of the old and embracing the new...
I have been inspired by a friend who just recently told me she has been writing a book, and is now in the process of self-publishing. Wow!
I am inspired with the conversations I have weekly with Roger who is treating my back. When we have like minded conversation with like minded people, talking of inspirational outlooks, we walk away with more air in our spine, like we are on tippy toes, and a big smile plastered on our souls.
My kids mastering skateboarding is inspirational, the look of determination on their faces, the commitment to getting back on after falling off and to keep on practicing…and the fact that one of us takes them to the local skate park most days, could be considered inspirational too!
My friends who are working mothers, and keeping it all together, raising happy kids, feeding them healthy (most of the time!) meals and running a home are an inspiration to all.
I am choosing books that I know will inspire me, about remarkable people and remarkable concepts.
I search out inspirational quotes, to remind me that a positive outlook on life will inspire a positive life.
Men inspire me. Men who treat women, children and themselves with dignity. Men, who are unafraid to love, care for and be a hands on family member.
Our children’s teachers, day care minders and sports coaches inspire me.
People who share what their knowledge and experience in the hope it will inspire and help others, truly inspire me!
Successful people inspire me; because I know they have had to be focused, positive, passionate and inspired to achieve what they have.
I am even more inspired by the ones who are doing it tough, doing everything they can, with what they have and focusing on keeping it optimistic, knowing that if they do this, everything will turn out okay!
Inspiration is every where, I look for it, read about it and see it- because I know that if I continually feel inspired, I will continue to grow and move forward, attaining all the things I want in my life.
My beautiful life.
suzy x
Thursday, May 27, 2010
In No Hurry
We race through amber lights, drive faster than we know we should and overtake the slower drivers. We power walk through meandering pedestrians, sigh and fidget when in a queue, and demand that we were waiting before the sweet old lady. We flick through Sunday papers and make mental lists whilst getting a massage. We buy our food packaged, pre-chopped, seedless and ready- made.
Everyone is in a hurry.
The guy who impatiently drives right up behind me, crazily overtakes me, and then I sit right behind him at the next red traffic light.... soooo, all of that didn’t really make much difference in his travel time.
The woman who was slowed for a split second whilst I stopped to take a photo of my kids in a tourist town. She pushed past and angrily muttered something about bloody tourists. Umm, it’s a tourist town, the main street is full of shops and sights directly marketed at tourists…is she sure she is living in the right place!
I often wonder why people are in such a hurry. We are unable to be mindful and to live in the moment if we are focused on where we need to get to, whilst unknowingly rushing past all the pleasures that are here right now.
I often wonder why it seems so many of us are in such a hurry to rush to the ends of our lives…
Then what?
Slow down. Enjoy. You will get there. Late, early or on time.
Breathe, observe, and smell. Enjoy. Don’t miss the small joys.
Don’t wish the weeks away until that special day, the months away till that holiday, the years away till…
Slow down a little and be an aware part in your beautiful life.
suzy x
Everyone is in a hurry.
The guy who impatiently drives right up behind me, crazily overtakes me, and then I sit right behind him at the next red traffic light.... soooo, all of that didn’t really make much difference in his travel time.
The woman who was slowed for a split second whilst I stopped to take a photo of my kids in a tourist town. She pushed past and angrily muttered something about bloody tourists. Umm, it’s a tourist town, the main street is full of shops and sights directly marketed at tourists…is she sure she is living in the right place!
I often wonder why people are in such a hurry. We are unable to be mindful and to live in the moment if we are focused on where we need to get to, whilst unknowingly rushing past all the pleasures that are here right now.
I often wonder why it seems so many of us are in such a hurry to rush to the ends of our lives…
Then what?
Slow down. Enjoy. You will get there. Late, early or on time.
Breathe, observe, and smell. Enjoy. Don’t miss the small joys.
Don’t wish the weeks away until that special day, the months away till that holiday, the years away till…
Slow down a little and be an aware part in your beautiful life.
suzy x
Thursday, April 29, 2010
This Week
This week I am going to eat ONE meal mindfully- I am going to eat slowly, put my knife and fork down between mouthfuls, and not read a magazine, newspaper, watch the TV or sit in front of the computer. I am going to eat my meal mindfully, think about the taste, the ingredients, and the process of making it- even if it’s a tuna sandwich!
This week, I am going to remind myself how easy it is to slip into being judgmental. It does not affect my life how someone else IS. It does not matter to my well being ONE bit, how someone else is, looks, dresses or speaks. It affects my wellbeing when I allow myself to be judgemental. When I feel these slip-ups I need to slap myself on the wrist, and remind myself of my choice to live a beautiful life!
This week I am going to focus on the people who bring happiness, beauty, fun and all things good to my life, I am definitely not going to allow myself to feel upset by what negative people are playing out in their own lives.
This week I will remember that my body is not only a temple, but also you are what you eat…and that throwing a slow cooker together in the morning is as easy as grabbing take away on the way home from swimming squad.
This week I am going to find someone that I can do something for to change his or her circumstances this week. It could be a comment, a deed, a phone call, or an action. We are all surrounded by opportunities to be generous to those we do and do not know. We should seize these opportunities, and thank the universe for allowing us to be generous.
This week I will also do something for me. I’m pretty good at this, and don’t need reminders. I should remind myself though, how cool it is to be able to have a midday nap, buy a magazine, sip a coffee while watching the world go by or just sit somewhere in the sun.
I’m going to look at the sky more, breathe deeply, and listen to people when they are speaking without thinking about what I want to say next. I’m going to walk slowly and take in all that is around me, instead of rushing to where I want to go.
I’m going to buy a bunch of flowers, clean out a cupboard, play with the cat and watch a chick flick.
I’m going to worry and complain less. I’m going to smile, laugh and share more. I will continue to remind myself what I am grateful for every morning. I will try to keep being the best friend I can be. I will really focus on the joy my children bring me, and not what drives me crazy. I will agree with my husband, not because I necessarily do, but because it doesn’t really matter either way most of the time
I am going to embrace problematic situations, as an opportunity to find the solution. I am going to challenge myself to overcome low moments and hurdles, and be grateful to be able to feel my strengths.
I will do these things because I know they change my life for the better.
I know how beautiful my life is.
suzy x
This week, I am going to remind myself how easy it is to slip into being judgmental. It does not affect my life how someone else IS. It does not matter to my well being ONE bit, how someone else is, looks, dresses or speaks. It affects my wellbeing when I allow myself to be judgemental. When I feel these slip-ups I need to slap myself on the wrist, and remind myself of my choice to live a beautiful life!
This week I am going to focus on the people who bring happiness, beauty, fun and all things good to my life, I am definitely not going to allow myself to feel upset by what negative people are playing out in their own lives.
This week I will remember that my body is not only a temple, but also you are what you eat…and that throwing a slow cooker together in the morning is as easy as grabbing take away on the way home from swimming squad.
This week I am going to find someone that I can do something for to change his or her circumstances this week. It could be a comment, a deed, a phone call, or an action. We are all surrounded by opportunities to be generous to those we do and do not know. We should seize these opportunities, and thank the universe for allowing us to be generous.
This week I will also do something for me. I’m pretty good at this, and don’t need reminders. I should remind myself though, how cool it is to be able to have a midday nap, buy a magazine, sip a coffee while watching the world go by or just sit somewhere in the sun.
I’m going to look at the sky more, breathe deeply, and listen to people when they are speaking without thinking about what I want to say next. I’m going to walk slowly and take in all that is around me, instead of rushing to where I want to go.
I’m going to buy a bunch of flowers, clean out a cupboard, play with the cat and watch a chick flick.
I’m going to worry and complain less. I’m going to smile, laugh and share more. I will continue to remind myself what I am grateful for every morning. I will try to keep being the best friend I can be. I will really focus on the joy my children bring me, and not what drives me crazy. I will agree with my husband, not because I necessarily do, but because it doesn’t really matter either way most of the time
I am going to embrace problematic situations, as an opportunity to find the solution. I am going to challenge myself to overcome low moments and hurdles, and be grateful to be able to feel my strengths.
I will do these things because I know they change my life for the better.
I know how beautiful my life is.
suzy x
Thursday, March 18, 2010
How To Be Happy
Happiness is a Choice.
We have to squash our negative thoughts...like a bug!
It takes so much energy to think and speak negatively.
It takes all our energy away from us when we choose to feel miserable, to hate, to be angry, to judge others.
Pull yourself up from negative thinking, slap yourself on the wrist. (I actually do that, physically!)
Happiness is a Choice. Make It.
Feel the Love People!
Love the people around you. Love your home. Love your pet.
Love your dinner. Love your bed. Love the weather.
The stronger you feel love, the stronger the power of the Law of Attraction in your life. The stronger the Law of Attraction; the stronger the power to create a beautiful life and attract more love into your life!
Be Grateful. For your family, for your friends, for your job, for your car, for your furniture, for your toothbrush!
If you wake up every morning and feel true gratitude for all that you have, you will feel happiness, how can you not. Mentally going through a list of what you are grateful for reminds you of the positives in your life, of what is important to you.
Mindfulness. Live in the moment. When the moment is good, do not worry about things that have happened, or things that could happen. When the moment is good, sit back and notice, smile, take a mental snap shot. Life is good, whether it’s a funny moment, great meal, fresh breeze. Enjoy these moments. Notice them.
Do not judge others, and do not allow yourself to be judged by others. I believe judgment of others to be one of the biggest failings we can have.
It is sneaky and comes up in our thoughts with out us even noticing. It is erroneous and a daily battle worth fighting.
I can’t say this enough, if you stop judging others you will immediately drop a little misery- just like that.
Do not compare yourself to others either... be inspired by them.
Be happy with who you are, where you are and what you have.
Make deep friendships. Two deep friends are worth a hundred times more than a group of people who do not recognize your value and care for you. Recognize the value in the friends that matter to you, thank them, let them know. Share with them, support them and know that they will always be there for you too.
Be Generous. With words, thoughts, actions. Give a little gift to someone who makes a difference in your life or call them and tell them what they mean to you. People gain a lot of pleasure from being told they are appreciated. You will feel happy by just doing something so simple.
Laugh. Watch funny movies, read funny books. Hang out with kids, have funny friends, be funny, whatever it takes, make sure you laugh as often as you can. See the funny side. Life doesn’t have to be so serious, it should be enjoyed
Rest. Re-charge. Re-energise. Re-flect. Get enough sleep. Take a nap. Lie down with a magazine. Deep Breathe. Meditate. Life is so fast pace; we prioritize getting things done, getting somewhere now and sometimes forgot how important it is to just rest.
Believe in something other than yourself. Something bigger than us. Think about what contribution you can make in your life time. Give back.
Don’t expect the worst. Sometimes when things seem to be going wrong, it may be that they are just changing paths and direction. Some problems are there to help us grow. Have some trust in the Universe; expect things to turn out for the best eventually.
Don’t see the worst in others, accept differences, expect the best only of yourself.
Take a good look at yourself.
It’s fine to know the affirmations, the mantras and read the books...but where are your thoughts...
Are they happy? Or are you concentrating on what you don’t like, what annoys you, who did something “wrong”...
How is your lifestyle? Are you a good friend, co-worker, person; making conscience positive decisions or are you making the day harder and a little more difficult for others or yourself?
If we keep thinking we hate our job-we will always hate our job.
If we think about how someone always drives us crazy- they will always drive us crazy.
If you keep thinking about those extra kilos, you will always have extra kilos.
If you keep thinking about how someone makes you hurt, angry, how things never go right, how you don’t like certain things about someone...you are never going to be able to be truly happy
Happiness is determined by our minds, not our circumstances. Happiness is a choice. No one or no thing can make us happy.
Keep thinking about how awesome our families are.
What amazing friends we have.
How you can make a difference at work, in the world...for someone.
How the sunshine is a blessing, how good your favorite sandwich tastes, how funny our friends and kids are.
We are surrounded by simple pleasures every day.
And remember of course happy people are not happy all the time, that would be impossible, life throws stuff at all of us- they are just better at bouncing back to the state of contentedness after feeling unhappy.
Spread the word. Enjoy the Journey. We are here to live a happy life, a beautiful life.
suzy x
We have to squash our negative thoughts...like a bug!
It takes so much energy to think and speak negatively.
It takes all our energy away from us when we choose to feel miserable, to hate, to be angry, to judge others.
Pull yourself up from negative thinking, slap yourself on the wrist. (I actually do that, physically!)
Happiness is a Choice. Make It.
Feel the Love People!
Love the people around you. Love your home. Love your pet.
Love your dinner. Love your bed. Love the weather.
The stronger you feel love, the stronger the power of the Law of Attraction in your life. The stronger the Law of Attraction; the stronger the power to create a beautiful life and attract more love into your life!
Be Grateful. For your family, for your friends, for your job, for your car, for your furniture, for your toothbrush!
If you wake up every morning and feel true gratitude for all that you have, you will feel happiness, how can you not. Mentally going through a list of what you are grateful for reminds you of the positives in your life, of what is important to you.
Mindfulness. Live in the moment. When the moment is good, do not worry about things that have happened, or things that could happen. When the moment is good, sit back and notice, smile, take a mental snap shot. Life is good, whether it’s a funny moment, great meal, fresh breeze. Enjoy these moments. Notice them.
Do not judge others, and do not allow yourself to be judged by others. I believe judgment of others to be one of the biggest failings we can have.
It is sneaky and comes up in our thoughts with out us even noticing. It is erroneous and a daily battle worth fighting.
I can’t say this enough, if you stop judging others you will immediately drop a little misery- just like that.
Do not compare yourself to others either... be inspired by them.
Be happy with who you are, where you are and what you have.
Make deep friendships. Two deep friends are worth a hundred times more than a group of people who do not recognize your value and care for you. Recognize the value in the friends that matter to you, thank them, let them know. Share with them, support them and know that they will always be there for you too.
Be Generous. With words, thoughts, actions. Give a little gift to someone who makes a difference in your life or call them and tell them what they mean to you. People gain a lot of pleasure from being told they are appreciated. You will feel happy by just doing something so simple.
Laugh. Watch funny movies, read funny books. Hang out with kids, have funny friends, be funny, whatever it takes, make sure you laugh as often as you can. See the funny side. Life doesn’t have to be so serious, it should be enjoyed
Rest. Re-charge. Re-energise. Re-flect. Get enough sleep. Take a nap. Lie down with a magazine. Deep Breathe. Meditate. Life is so fast pace; we prioritize getting things done, getting somewhere now and sometimes forgot how important it is to just rest.
Believe in something other than yourself. Something bigger than us. Think about what contribution you can make in your life time. Give back.
Don’t expect the worst. Sometimes when things seem to be going wrong, it may be that they are just changing paths and direction. Some problems are there to help us grow. Have some trust in the Universe; expect things to turn out for the best eventually.
Don’t see the worst in others, accept differences, expect the best only of yourself.
Take a good look at yourself.
It’s fine to know the affirmations, the mantras and read the books...but where are your thoughts...
Are they happy? Or are you concentrating on what you don’t like, what annoys you, who did something “wrong”...
How is your lifestyle? Are you a good friend, co-worker, person; making conscience positive decisions or are you making the day harder and a little more difficult for others or yourself?
If we keep thinking we hate our job-we will always hate our job.
If we think about how someone always drives us crazy- they will always drive us crazy.
If you keep thinking about those extra kilos, you will always have extra kilos.
If you keep thinking about how someone makes you hurt, angry, how things never go right, how you don’t like certain things about someone...you are never going to be able to be truly happy
Happiness is determined by our minds, not our circumstances. Happiness is a choice. No one or no thing can make us happy.
Keep thinking about how awesome our families are.
What amazing friends we have.
How you can make a difference at work, in the world...for someone.
How the sunshine is a blessing, how good your favorite sandwich tastes, how funny our friends and kids are.
We are surrounded by simple pleasures every day.
And remember of course happy people are not happy all the time, that would be impossible, life throws stuff at all of us- they are just better at bouncing back to the state of contentedness after feeling unhappy.
Spread the word. Enjoy the Journey. We are here to live a happy life, a beautiful life.
suzy x
Monday, March 15, 2010
Respond With Peace
Hey There! How has your week been? Mine has been pretty fast paced, finishing filming on one job, getting ready for another...friends birthdays, and other catch ups to be had...and spending time with my beautiful family.
So as I didn't get around to writing something on Friday, I am going to share someone elses words again. And it's not to be lazy, if I wanted to do that, I would just not add anything until next week! I found these words, and thought they were really quite special, and as it's Monday, I thought it was a lovely way to start a fresh week.
Respond With Peace
Whatever things may come your way today,
make it a point to let your first response a peaceful one.
There is power in peaceful calmness,
the power to follow your own plans and purposes.
That gets lost when you react out of anger.
It takes determined intention and effort
to respond peacefully.
The power and control it gives you
are well worth the effort.
Certainly you want to look out for your own interests.
Yet just because you are firmly determined
is no reason to be angry and out of control.
The greatest power is almost always
in a peaceful, measured response.
Do you really want to let someone else
dictate your level of stress and anxiety?
Do you really want to let others
control your actions?
Respond calmly and peacefully.
Maintain your composure.
Maintain your control.
Let your first response be peaceful,
and you'll make it much more effective.
Ralph Marston
Thank you Mr Marston, well said.
More from me next week, promise!
suzy x
So as I didn't get around to writing something on Friday, I am going to share someone elses words again. And it's not to be lazy, if I wanted to do that, I would just not add anything until next week! I found these words, and thought they were really quite special, and as it's Monday, I thought it was a lovely way to start a fresh week.
Respond With Peace
Whatever things may come your way today,
make it a point to let your first response a peaceful one.
There is power in peaceful calmness,
the power to follow your own plans and purposes.
That gets lost when you react out of anger.
It takes determined intention and effort
to respond peacefully.
The power and control it gives you
are well worth the effort.
Certainly you want to look out for your own interests.
Yet just because you are firmly determined
is no reason to be angry and out of control.
The greatest power is almost always
in a peaceful, measured response.
Do you really want to let someone else
dictate your level of stress and anxiety?
Do you really want to let others
control your actions?
Respond calmly and peacefully.
Maintain your composure.
Maintain your control.
Let your first response be peaceful,
and you'll make it much more effective.
Ralph Marston
Thank you Mr Marston, well said.
More from me next week, promise!
suzy x
Friday, March 5, 2010
Karma not Drama
Maybe I should be doing a Blog on my favorite sayings because I’ve got another one for you. This one gets me through so many things, so many times a day!
HOW PEOPLE TREAT YOU IS THEIR KARMA; HOW YOU REACT IS YOURS. Wayne Dyer
I’m not going to try and define or give philosophical explanations, laws or concepts of Karma, apart from saying it generally comes down to that one is responsible for one’s own life.
No, I use this quote for when I feel angry, hurt, saddened or generally ill treated by someone. It could be anyone, people close to me, friends of others, or an unknown person in a shopping centre.
Instead of getting any of the above mentioned ill feelings, instead of fuming over the how dare them, questioning myself on why they would...and all the other ways we can play peoples actions or words over and over in our minds. I instead focus on my KARMA and how I react.
I do not need to worry about their Karma, their actions or words, those are theirs.
I need to be concerned with my actions and words.
I own my choices, thoughts and actions, nobody else’s.
It can be soul strengthening to know that you react in kindness or at least a more positive way to which you have been treated!
It takes the pain of how you have been treated away quicker and takes your focus away from the negative.
It basically just does that, moves your energy away from the negative, and into the positive.
Another gem from Mr. Dyer- Conflict cannot survive without your participation.
When someone is really getting to me, I just repeat the little mantra in my mind, don’t get caught up in all the stuff that is going on for them, take a deep breath, and look after my own karma, my own beautiful life.
suzy x
HOW PEOPLE TREAT YOU IS THEIR KARMA; HOW YOU REACT IS YOURS. Wayne Dyer
I’m not going to try and define or give philosophical explanations, laws or concepts of Karma, apart from saying it generally comes down to that one is responsible for one’s own life.
No, I use this quote for when I feel angry, hurt, saddened or generally ill treated by someone. It could be anyone, people close to me, friends of others, or an unknown person in a shopping centre.
Instead of getting any of the above mentioned ill feelings, instead of fuming over the how dare them, questioning myself on why they would...and all the other ways we can play peoples actions or words over and over in our minds. I instead focus on my KARMA and how I react.
I do not need to worry about their Karma, their actions or words, those are theirs.
I need to be concerned with my actions and words.
I own my choices, thoughts and actions, nobody else’s.
It can be soul strengthening to know that you react in kindness or at least a more positive way to which you have been treated!
It takes the pain of how you have been treated away quicker and takes your focus away from the negative.
It basically just does that, moves your energy away from the negative, and into the positive.
Another gem from Mr. Dyer- Conflict cannot survive without your participation.
When someone is really getting to me, I just repeat the little mantra in my mind, don’t get caught up in all the stuff that is going on for them, take a deep breath, and look after my own karma, my own beautiful life.
suzy x
Friday, February 26, 2010
Changing My World
The other day I purchased a little silver disc to wear on my wrist with one of my very favorite sayings.
What does this saying mean to me?
It is way to big of a job for me to change the whole world, but if I change myself, my world will change around me.
Be the mother I wish to see in the world.
Be the partner I wish to see in the world.
Be the friend I wish to see in the world.
Be the employee, the employer, the co-worker, the neighbor, the daughter.
Be the person I wish to see in the world.
I love wearing my little disc, it reminds me to be the change I wish to see in the world.
suzy x
jewellrey available online at corinegrant@etsy.com
Friday, February 12, 2010
Time Management
Last week as I was racing from work to my osteopath, via friends to pick up a computer game the kids had been nagging for when I realized I might be able to squeeze in a 10-minute hasty shop for something to wear to my birthday dinner with the girlfriends.
And I managed it.
The reason I needed to squeeze it in, rather than taking my time afterwards or on the Saturday morning, was because I didn’t want to lose time with my kids. So I squeezed it in.
After (what I thought) a successful buy (more about that later) whilst I was lying face down on the massage table and unable to squeeze in any of the other many thing s I needed to get done, I got to thinking.
About how practical we become with time management once we become parents.
My husband and I built our home in 6 months when our children were aged 12-18 months and newborn-6months.
We would go into a tile shop and just as our son was about to pull a large display onto him we would quickly go with a choice we both agreed on and fitted in our budget. There was no going back, umming and ahhing, and re-thinking for us, that was it- decision made. This is how it was for everything we needed to choose, and we looked at it as a blessing, to make a quick choice and stick to it.
By the way, we still love our home and those choices; our mantra was keeping it natural and neutral and to not go with any design phases or crazes of 2002 that would firmly stand/age our home in that era as all phases do for their time.
So, how do we all mange? When we work, or have a newborn, toddler, kids or teenagers, friends, a life? Or a few or all of the above? How do we get through the day? What is it that we do?
We prioritize. We get rid of the non-essentials. We choose to do what is good for us, we choose to be with people we like and do the things we like to do.
Priorities are not generic. It can be having a clean house, spending time with friends, relaxing with a book, or doing all the bookwork, all priorities.
We live in the moment. When we are working we focus on the task at hand and do the best job we possibly can. When we are resting we clear our mind of work, non-essential stuff and we get some rest. When we are with our family we direct our attention to them and enjoy the moments.
Noticing the rhythms of our body we use the time when we have the most energy and we rest when we have the least.
We make time for ourselves because everyone knows; Happy Mum, Happy Family…and that goes for happy dads and happy kids too of course…☺
We use routine as having a routine is having freedom. Knowing when your children need to sleep and eat, knowing when the sports practice is, knowing what your partner has to get done means you know when you can book an appointment or need to be home.
We delegate. Because our partners are along for this journey with us. Because we know our children can and need to do things for themselves. Because (if we are lucky enough) we have family who love to help. And because our best friends would do anything for us when we need them.
OK. My own personal time management ways.
Buying clothes that do not need ironing or hand washing. I do not do the ironing thing, and luckily my husband and I do not work in an environment where we need to wear freshly pressed shirts!
Meal Planning. Every shopping list, I make a list of the 7 meals we will eat that week. No thinking about what to cook…
Speaking of cooking, slow cookers and large meals that you can freeze half of. Any meal that makes itself is a favourite of mine.
So back to the top I bought in 10 minutes…well that 10 minutes had to also include parking the car and making my way through the shopping centre, so there wasn’t time to try anything on.
I found a gorgeous ruffled, long, lovely top. Great! Well-done Suzy! Beautiful fabric, beautiful colours, even another shopper commented when I held it up to myself.
As I dressed the evening of the dinner to my dismay there was a niggling feeling I may look like a wedding cake. I asked my 7 year old daughter…she tried to reassure me it was fine, still that niggling feeling, she wasn’t being too convincing. Two of my gorgeous girls turned up and straight away they told me straight. And let me tell you, these women would not have an un-necessary negative comment in them, so I knew, the top was not a success…and as I rushed off to get the heck out of it, I saw a little look of relief on my daughter’s face…aah bless the beautiful life, you cant win every moment!
suzy x
And I managed it.
The reason I needed to squeeze it in, rather than taking my time afterwards or on the Saturday morning, was because I didn’t want to lose time with my kids. So I squeezed it in.
After (what I thought) a successful buy (more about that later) whilst I was lying face down on the massage table and unable to squeeze in any of the other many thing s I needed to get done, I got to thinking.
About how practical we become with time management once we become parents.
My husband and I built our home in 6 months when our children were aged 12-18 months and newborn-6months.
We would go into a tile shop and just as our son was about to pull a large display onto him we would quickly go with a choice we both agreed on and fitted in our budget. There was no going back, umming and ahhing, and re-thinking for us, that was it- decision made. This is how it was for everything we needed to choose, and we looked at it as a blessing, to make a quick choice and stick to it.
By the way, we still love our home and those choices; our mantra was keeping it natural and neutral and to not go with any design phases or crazes of 2002 that would firmly stand/age our home in that era as all phases do for their time.
So, how do we all mange? When we work, or have a newborn, toddler, kids or teenagers, friends, a life? Or a few or all of the above? How do we get through the day? What is it that we do?
We prioritize. We get rid of the non-essentials. We choose to do what is good for us, we choose to be with people we like and do the things we like to do.
Priorities are not generic. It can be having a clean house, spending time with friends, relaxing with a book, or doing all the bookwork, all priorities.
We live in the moment. When we are working we focus on the task at hand and do the best job we possibly can. When we are resting we clear our mind of work, non-essential stuff and we get some rest. When we are with our family we direct our attention to them and enjoy the moments.
Noticing the rhythms of our body we use the time when we have the most energy and we rest when we have the least.
We make time for ourselves because everyone knows; Happy Mum, Happy Family…and that goes for happy dads and happy kids too of course…☺
We use routine as having a routine is having freedom. Knowing when your children need to sleep and eat, knowing when the sports practice is, knowing what your partner has to get done means you know when you can book an appointment or need to be home.
We delegate. Because our partners are along for this journey with us. Because we know our children can and need to do things for themselves. Because (if we are lucky enough) we have family who love to help. And because our best friends would do anything for us when we need them.
OK. My own personal time management ways.
Buying clothes that do not need ironing or hand washing. I do not do the ironing thing, and luckily my husband and I do not work in an environment where we need to wear freshly pressed shirts!
Meal Planning. Every shopping list, I make a list of the 7 meals we will eat that week. No thinking about what to cook…
Speaking of cooking, slow cookers and large meals that you can freeze half of. Any meal that makes itself is a favourite of mine.
So back to the top I bought in 10 minutes…well that 10 minutes had to also include parking the car and making my way through the shopping centre, so there wasn’t time to try anything on.
I found a gorgeous ruffled, long, lovely top. Great! Well-done Suzy! Beautiful fabric, beautiful colours, even another shopper commented when I held it up to myself.
As I dressed the evening of the dinner to my dismay there was a niggling feeling I may look like a wedding cake. I asked my 7 year old daughter…she tried to reassure me it was fine, still that niggling feeling, she wasn’t being too convincing. Two of my gorgeous girls turned up and straight away they told me straight. And let me tell you, these women would not have an un-necessary negative comment in them, so I knew, the top was not a success…and as I rushed off to get the heck out of it, I saw a little look of relief on my daughter’s face…aah bless the beautiful life, you cant win every moment!
suzy x
Friday, February 5, 2010
The Optimist Creed
A workmate and I have both recently printed a copy of Christian D. Larson’s Optimist Creed and have been making a ritual of reading it each morning- in our own time and to ourselves...not together, which would be a tad weird for the rest of our office!
They are such amazing words and if I can follow just three of his declarations during the day I feel I have been successful.
Larson was an exceptional and extremely significant early New Thought* leader and teacher. He was a prolific writer who believed that people have remarkable underlying powers which can be used for success with the right outlook.
In 1901 he organized the New Thought Temple and began publishing a periodical “Eternal Progress”. He had 40 of his books published.
The Optimist Creed appeared in his book “Your Forces and How To Use Them” in 1912. Many have since found inspiration in this creed, from healers and hospitals to sports coaches and schools; and especially those of us who want live with the practice of being happy.
So here it is:
Promise Yourself
To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature you meet.
To give so much time to improving yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud word, but in great deeds.
To live in the faith that he whole world is on your side, so long as you are true to the best that is in you.
Cool huh.
Try it; print it out, read it, email it, stick it up on your fridge. Give it a go, my co-worker and I have noticed it does change your perspective of the day; it does help with getting ourselves into a good frame of mind.
It’s pretty much a guide to having a beautiful life.
suzy x
*New Thought is a spiritual movement which developed in the United States during the late 19th century and emphasizes metaphysical (abstract and theoretical study of being) beliefs concerning the effects of positive thinking, the law of attraction, healing, life force, creative visualization and personal power.
Very much the origins of what the DVD and Book “The Secret” is influenced by.
They are such amazing words and if I can follow just three of his declarations during the day I feel I have been successful.
Larson was an exceptional and extremely significant early New Thought* leader and teacher. He was a prolific writer who believed that people have remarkable underlying powers which can be used for success with the right outlook.
In 1901 he organized the New Thought Temple and began publishing a periodical “Eternal Progress”. He had 40 of his books published.
The Optimist Creed appeared in his book “Your Forces and How To Use Them” in 1912. Many have since found inspiration in this creed, from healers and hospitals to sports coaches and schools; and especially those of us who want live with the practice of being happy.
So here it is:
Promise Yourself
To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature you meet.
To give so much time to improving yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud word, but in great deeds.
To live in the faith that he whole world is on your side, so long as you are true to the best that is in you.
Cool huh.
Try it; print it out, read it, email it, stick it up on your fridge. Give it a go, my co-worker and I have noticed it does change your perspective of the day; it does help with getting ourselves into a good frame of mind.
It’s pretty much a guide to having a beautiful life.
suzy x
*New Thought is a spiritual movement which developed in the United States during the late 19th century and emphasizes metaphysical (abstract and theoretical study of being) beliefs concerning the effects of positive thinking, the law of attraction, healing, life force, creative visualization and personal power.
Very much the origins of what the DVD and Book “The Secret” is influenced by.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Tantrum Check
It is more or less effortless to be an easy going and nice person...when things go our way. The test is; can we remain the easy going, nice person when things do not go our way?
We’ve all done it, or for those who haven’t (yeah right!)- we have all seen others do it. Things don’t go our way, and we throw an almighty tantrum. These can manifest in all different ways; yelling, silence, cutting people down with nasty observations. Not pleasant.
I am focusing on remaining the nice me no matter what the circumstance. It is difficult but it does pay off! I feel mature, in control of my actions, thoughtful and just a better person.
My relationships are happier and I don’t have to beat myself up over something I have said or the way I have treated someone.
A good way to keep my tantrums in check is to notice how I feel when someone does it to me, what I think of the way they have reacted. As I said before; not pleasant. Not who I want to be or how I want my life to be. It is a behaviour that pushes people away. It makes you seem irrational, immature, selfish and a person who is not “in tune” with others.
Is it that important to always be right, or to have things your way? Why? Why not choose another way? Years ago Oprah made the comment during a show, “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?” It has been one of those remarks that really has an impact and stayed with me.
So let’s hear it for those people we know, we work with, we love. The ones who keep their cool and let things slide. The ones, who don’t need to be right, have things their way. The ones who have respect for others and deserve our respect. The ones we all aspire to be a little more like. The ones who remind us it can be a beautiful life.
suzy x
We’ve all done it, or for those who haven’t (yeah right!)- we have all seen others do it. Things don’t go our way, and we throw an almighty tantrum. These can manifest in all different ways; yelling, silence, cutting people down with nasty observations. Not pleasant.
I am focusing on remaining the nice me no matter what the circumstance. It is difficult but it does pay off! I feel mature, in control of my actions, thoughtful and just a better person.
My relationships are happier and I don’t have to beat myself up over something I have said or the way I have treated someone.
A good way to keep my tantrums in check is to notice how I feel when someone does it to me, what I think of the way they have reacted. As I said before; not pleasant. Not who I want to be or how I want my life to be. It is a behaviour that pushes people away. It makes you seem irrational, immature, selfish and a person who is not “in tune” with others.
Is it that important to always be right, or to have things your way? Why? Why not choose another way? Years ago Oprah made the comment during a show, “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?” It has been one of those remarks that really has an impact and stayed with me.
So let’s hear it for those people we know, we work with, we love. The ones who keep their cool and let things slide. The ones, who don’t need to be right, have things their way. The ones who have respect for others and deserve our respect. The ones we all aspire to be a little more like. The ones who remind us it can be a beautiful life.
suzy x
Monday, January 18, 2010
A New Beginning
So here we are in 2010 and I am back writing this blog. Bring it on I say!
With work, family commitments and it now being a solo gig I am not sure how often I can update it- but I am going to give it my best go.
My husband and I had a very sad ending to 2009.
His younger brother passed away unexpectedly.
My birth mother and my relationship ended unexpectedly.
We have spent most of December and the start of the New Year dealing with our grief and sadness in different ways, at times apart and now together.
When you think about it- no one ever has a problem dealing with happiness and feeling good- but when we are sad and grieving it is a whole new ball game.
When things are good, we are happy for it to all stay the same.
But when things we counted on change- situations/relationships we thought were there to stay, losing someone we love, we want things to adjust to how we want it to be.
I have had to “walk my talk” and “practice what I have preached”. I have read over my past blogs on forgiveness, anger, positive thinking and mind chatter. Yet still consumed with sadness.
This is what has been working for us:
We have been amazed by the supportive, loving people we have been surrounded by. And feel very blessed to know these remarkable people.
It is a freedom to know I have people I can talk to about my feelings, and not be judged...or helped...just listened too.
My husband and I sit every night, since his return, once the family has gone to bed and just talk. He has astounded me in the open way he is dealing with his loss. The way he openly speaks about everything he is feeling, what he has said, been said to him and what he has been thinking.
I am sure he was a Zen Buddhist Monk in a previous life.
He is very much an “In the Now” person without even knowing or trying to be.
He very much accepts that what is- is, and that you can’t control circumstances, but you can control your thoughts.
It has been inspirational the way he is dealing with his loss in a constructive and positive way.
Hard as it is we should try not to dwell on what is making us sad (or angry or frustrated!) We dwell on it because it is not what we expected or wanted. We did not want this to happen. We want it to change. We can’t change it.
Try to dwell on a plan of action to start to feel recovered instead. Dwell on the happier times and all the good stories.
Strive to not tell yourself stories...maybe this...if only that...these are all stories and mind chatter and will keep you focused on negative feelings- stories that you don’t even know to be true! Stick to the facts.
When I feel I cannot clear my head of all this chatter, I take a deep breath and say “Peace be with you, and peace for me too.” (A slight Catholic inspiration there from my childhood!) And then move on with my thoughts, choosing something more positive to think about.
Taking care of ourselves should be number one priority. Emotionally, physically, being kind.
When one is deeply suffering from sadness and grief the desire to eat is lost. Making sure we eat really GOOD food, favorite food, yummy food; comfort food is important- now is not a time to eat junk, quickly thrown together or tasteless stuff, now is about goodness and flavours. To entice ourselves to take another mouthful.
Sadness is a normal reaction to a loss and does not mean there is something wrong with us, but it is hard to accept, and we feel we should deal with it better, and get over it. There is the feeling of being over dramatic if we can’t seem to be happier.
Can you imagine ever saying to a friend who is in a similar position “You should be over this by now”?
Why do we beat ourselves up over our grief?
I felt terrible when everyone was greeting me with “Happy New Year, and how was your Christmas!” And I longed to feel enthusiastic in my reply, sometimes faking it, to save bringing my greeter down.
Listen to music. Like food, it should be good, not cheesy...try your local Jazz FM station- they are great for the soul on any occasion!
Crying is good, let it all out. Cry for everything, all the times you have held back and were strong in other situations, cry now, wash it all away.
Believe it or not, there are positives to loss. Once the pain starts healing, you can find them. I am not going to talk about our own personal positive takes on our losses, but there have already been several. They are there.
Keeping busy. Housework, digging the garden, walking, swimming...keeping moving and occupied. Since my husband returned and bought his mother with him our house is looking amazing and has never been spring cleaned and gardened so well! (See there is a positive!)
My mother in law is using this method the most, and finds a new project every day. Thank goddess I have kitchen drawers and a linen press that are helping with the healing!
Being grateful for what is in our lives. Each other, our children, our family, our home, our pets...our beautiful life.
We are both blown away by the support people offer. We have spoken about being in the same position as this vast group of friends close, friends far, and friends of our brother. We hope we are the same type of people who would be able to rise and act in such a way when someone needs us, just as these people have done. There have been so may different ways in which support is offered, a shoulder to cry on, a BBQ with old friends, a ride to the airport, feeding the cat, phoning in to check up, the list goes on.
This one is for all those we are grateful to. Thank you for helping us in getting back to our beautiful life.
suzy x
With work, family commitments and it now being a solo gig I am not sure how often I can update it- but I am going to give it my best go.
My husband and I had a very sad ending to 2009.
His younger brother passed away unexpectedly.
My birth mother and my relationship ended unexpectedly.
We have spent most of December and the start of the New Year dealing with our grief and sadness in different ways, at times apart and now together.
When you think about it- no one ever has a problem dealing with happiness and feeling good- but when we are sad and grieving it is a whole new ball game.
When things are good, we are happy for it to all stay the same.
But when things we counted on change- situations/relationships we thought were there to stay, losing someone we love, we want things to adjust to how we want it to be.
I have had to “walk my talk” and “practice what I have preached”. I have read over my past blogs on forgiveness, anger, positive thinking and mind chatter. Yet still consumed with sadness.
This is what has been working for us:
We have been amazed by the supportive, loving people we have been surrounded by. And feel very blessed to know these remarkable people.
It is a freedom to know I have people I can talk to about my feelings, and not be judged...or helped...just listened too.
My husband and I sit every night, since his return, once the family has gone to bed and just talk. He has astounded me in the open way he is dealing with his loss. The way he openly speaks about everything he is feeling, what he has said, been said to him and what he has been thinking.
I am sure he was a Zen Buddhist Monk in a previous life.
He is very much an “In the Now” person without even knowing or trying to be.
He very much accepts that what is- is, and that you can’t control circumstances, but you can control your thoughts.
It has been inspirational the way he is dealing with his loss in a constructive and positive way.
Hard as it is we should try not to dwell on what is making us sad (or angry or frustrated!) We dwell on it because it is not what we expected or wanted. We did not want this to happen. We want it to change. We can’t change it.
Try to dwell on a plan of action to start to feel recovered instead. Dwell on the happier times and all the good stories.
Strive to not tell yourself stories...maybe this...if only that...these are all stories and mind chatter and will keep you focused on negative feelings- stories that you don’t even know to be true! Stick to the facts.
When I feel I cannot clear my head of all this chatter, I take a deep breath and say “Peace be with you, and peace for me too.” (A slight Catholic inspiration there from my childhood!) And then move on with my thoughts, choosing something more positive to think about.
Taking care of ourselves should be number one priority. Emotionally, physically, being kind.
When one is deeply suffering from sadness and grief the desire to eat is lost. Making sure we eat really GOOD food, favorite food, yummy food; comfort food is important- now is not a time to eat junk, quickly thrown together or tasteless stuff, now is about goodness and flavours. To entice ourselves to take another mouthful.
Sadness is a normal reaction to a loss and does not mean there is something wrong with us, but it is hard to accept, and we feel we should deal with it better, and get over it. There is the feeling of being over dramatic if we can’t seem to be happier.
Can you imagine ever saying to a friend who is in a similar position “You should be over this by now”?
Why do we beat ourselves up over our grief?
I felt terrible when everyone was greeting me with “Happy New Year, and how was your Christmas!” And I longed to feel enthusiastic in my reply, sometimes faking it, to save bringing my greeter down.
Listen to music. Like food, it should be good, not cheesy...try your local Jazz FM station- they are great for the soul on any occasion!
Crying is good, let it all out. Cry for everything, all the times you have held back and were strong in other situations, cry now, wash it all away.
Believe it or not, there are positives to loss. Once the pain starts healing, you can find them. I am not going to talk about our own personal positive takes on our losses, but there have already been several. They are there.
Keeping busy. Housework, digging the garden, walking, swimming...keeping moving and occupied. Since my husband returned and bought his mother with him our house is looking amazing and has never been spring cleaned and gardened so well! (See there is a positive!)
My mother in law is using this method the most, and finds a new project every day. Thank goddess I have kitchen drawers and a linen press that are helping with the healing!
Being grateful for what is in our lives. Each other, our children, our family, our home, our pets...our beautiful life.
We are both blown away by the support people offer. We have spoken about being in the same position as this vast group of friends close, friends far, and friends of our brother. We hope we are the same type of people who would be able to rise and act in such a way when someone needs us, just as these people have done. There have been so may different ways in which support is offered, a shoulder to cry on, a BBQ with old friends, a ride to the airport, feeding the cat, phoning in to check up, the list goes on.
This one is for all those we are grateful to. Thank you for helping us in getting back to our beautiful life.
suzy x
Monday, January 4, 2010
Update
Sadly the "retrieved" relationship Regina and myself were attempting has not been successful.
I will be continuing the blog in 2010- Stay tuned!
I miss writing, I miss your wonderful feedback...but I need all my strength and energy to focus on retrieving "my beautiful" life at the moment.
suzy xx
I will be continuing the blog in 2010- Stay tuned!
I miss writing, I miss your wonderful feedback...but I need all my strength and energy to focus on retrieving "my beautiful" life at the moment.
suzy xx
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