Moments in the Moment

Moments That Made Me Smile This Week.

Mindfulness is basically a quality of mind that can strengthen our awareness of the causes and conditions determining this present moment, and our awareness of how we are relating to these causes and conditions.
So if we are aware of why/how things are and we can be aware of how we feel/deal with this, we can be in a pretty good place.

This last week, I started a list in my notebook of moments that make me smile...it’s a long list, and I wont submit you to all of it, but here are a few, to be remindful that each moment is what we make of it!

Hanging out washing on a sunny, breezy Monday morning.
Really enough said, how can you not enjoy getting the weekends washing done in conditions like that!

Having my little sister living near us.
Regina’s daughter is a lot younger than me, in fact not that much older than my own children.
Sadly for us neither my husband’s, nor my family live nearby and I have always been envious of those who are lucky enough to have this. I have always missed being able to see my family more often.
Family is an amazing resource, and I’m not just talking about free babysitting! To see our children with other people on hand to turn to and have a close loving relationship is wonderful. I especially love watching the amazing rapport growing between these three young people. My children have a magnificent role model in this lovely young girl, and we are blessed.
Be grateful if you have your family nearby. Don’t take for granted the diversity of relationships you can all enjoy. Not everyone is in this fortunate position.

Kitchen Dancing.
This is one of my great joys, it makes my children sometimes laugh, sometimes cringe. My husband and I even compete to out geek each other! When I do it on my own, it is bliss, and can transform into a one woman cabaret show. One of the great things about getting older is that you become quite the expert at this particular style...why is that?
So, Dance like you are alone...in your own kitchen!

Dining In instead of Out.
The other evening my plans changed, as often happens when one has children. I had planned to go out for dinner with a friend. Instead of being disappointed when this changed I made a huge delicious curry, my husband lit a fire, and my friend and her children came over. Sitting around the warmth of the flames, watching them lick at the wood, the children squealing in delight toasting marshmallows, my little girl loving the smell of burning wood – she told us it reminded her of camping. Who needs restaurants?

Sharing a Green Tea with a friend.
Sunlight, conversation, silence...Pleasure.

My Weed.
Not what you think! The other day, I was sitting in my back yard when I noticed quite a large weed had grown up out of the concrete on the edge of our rendered house. I got up to pull it out and as I came closer, I couldn’t help but think of how against all odds, this little guy had risen to the challenge, and did just what it was that he needed to do. There he was basking in the sunlight, and looking quite lovely. Needless to say he is still there and makes me smile every time I look over at him, reminding me to just be me.

My kids have been off school.
A little bit sick, a little bit exhausted. Instead of letting this ruin my routine of chores, we have broken the day up with other things we can do; making sock puppets out of hand-me-downs, teaching the kids to sew button eyes on, and then getting back to my stuff, while they play with them for hours.
We redecorated their upstairs area, giving them heaps of enjoyment, moving furniture around, being creative. (and I got to get in a good clean up!) Kids are such a great example of impermanence and mindfulness. Everything changes, moments are just moments.
I also smiled when they went back to school, thank the goddess for impermanence!

My husband was standing in a ray of sunlight.
He commented on how nice it felt to just stand there and soak it up, so I snuck up behind him and stole some, and got to share a hug at the same time.

Sunday Family Roast Lunch.
Always makes me smile. It started out as dinner, but with the rush to clean up and get kids organized in the early evening, it just naturally morphed into lunch. We all enjoy having the time to sit down together and talk with none of the weekly evening distractions.
We have a ritual called “roses and thorns”. Telling each other what has been great in our week, and also being able to talk about something that was not. We make a point of concentrating on the roses as the thorns can become a bit of an excuse to complain...which we had to nip in the bud, so to speak! Actually, the thorns just naturally fell away once we all got the hang of it.
Another element that I particularly enjoy is the follow up Sunday dinner, simply left-overs or toasted sandwiches. What a relaxing Sunday afternoon!

We could all take note, or make notes of the things that make us smile. The small beautiful things that fill our beautiful lives.
They remind us of how each moment just is that, a perfect moment right now.

suzy x

Give Forgive a Chance

“We move through life hurting others as well as being hurt.
We move though life hurting ourselves as well as being hurt by others.
And forgiveness is needed”. Stephanie Dowrick

Forgiveness is not pretending wrong is right. It allows us to see the big picture, where things are as they are, right, wrong...they just are.
Forgiveness of those who have hurt us is not a generosity of our spirit; it simply prevents their harmful impact from influencing us.
Forgiveness allows us to learn from the past as we leave it behind.

We either forgive, or we hold onto bitterness and anger.

People are evolving all the time. Scientists have told us we replace and regenerate every cell in our body. That would mean neither me nor you are the same person we were several years ago. People’s priorities change. What was once held significant may not hold the same value for someone anymore. People often act without thinking. They are driven by their own internal stories; therefore their actions are not only about you.
Knowing this doesn’t make damage or pain go away, but it can be very helpful when we want to forgive someone.


Forgive because you can.
Forgiveness is irrelevant of whether or not it is deserved.
Forgiveness follows the decision not to allow past wounds to dictate your present.

Real people are complex.
Someone who has hurt you may never understand what they have done, and they may never suffer for their actions. This is no longer your concern.
No-one’s suffering, or understanding for that matter, will make you feel better.

During the week, as Regina and I were discussing Forgiveness, I realized I was having great difficulty in forgiving someone close to me for a remark that is brought up every now and then over the years. (Often enough for me!)
Whilst discussing this, Regina observed this person is obviously very attached to what they have been saying to me (about me), to be saying it for so long.
As we talked…I came up with why this person could be so attached to the hurtful remarks…it was their way of bandaging their involvement over what had happened, not wanting to acknowledge their own part in the story.
After realizing this, it was a huge release, wow, I could actually move on from this on-going painful remark once understanding it wasn’t really about me. I could forgive her. And I will know that, the next time it is brought up!

You are in control of your own thoughts, reactions and emotions. Emotions follow thoughts, and you have the power to reject thoughts that disturb or upset you.
Remember the golden-oldie, “nothing is either good or bad, but thinking makes it so”.

Instead of spending energy on what has hurt us, turn your attention to what supports you. When forgiveness is absent, so is self respect and perhaps even self-love.

I can hate something that has been done; I can even detest the person who did it. I may never want to see them, speak to them or trust them again. But I want to move forward, if only for my own sake. So I forgive them. And I feel a helluva lot better these days!

Once you have forgiven someone, you don’t have to continue doing it. It only takes once, if it is done honestly. Then when thoughts of that person or the hurtful experience come to mind, just wish them well. If you do this every time, the thought will return less and less, until it actually fades away.

Forgiveness will treat your hurt as you would any other wound. You may have broken your arm once, you will remember the pain, but you can’t feel it anymore. You will always remember the hurtful incident, but you no longer feel the pain.


2 Tools for Forgiveness

Imagine the person who has hurt you; now imagine you have just been told the most wonderful news about them. How do you feel? If you feel a flash of bitterness, resentment or anger, you have not been able to forgive them...yet.
If you feel ok with it, even at ease, you know you have moved on and have successfully forgiven them.

Here is one that I love from Stephanie Dowrick’s book “Choosing Happiness Life & Soul Essentials”.
Imagine you are putting the person who has caused you harm into a small boat, and that the boat is traveling back out into the ocean of life. Give it a great heave! Soon it’s far out of your range of vision. You are not causing that person harm; you are leaving them to their destiny.
You are getting on with your own.

suzy x

To the Power of the Positive!

A few weeks ago I wrote about Junk mail, useless mind chatter. When we unconsciously let our mind be filled with unnecessary thoughts, which we are not aware of. We are also not aware of how negative these thoughts usually are...and what a negative impact they have on our lives.

I’m talking about the stream of thoughts that are telling us what we don’t like about ourselves and others...you know the ones, I’m fat, I’m broke, I’m unhappy. Or, would you check out what she is wearing!

When we are consciously aware of this Junk mail, and choose to turn these thoughts into positive affirmations we change the impact our thoughts have on our present and our future. To a positive outcome.

I know some people find affirmations a bit on the airy-fairy side, it is a bit unusual to go into someone’s bathroom and see a big sign on the mirror, saying “I am beautiful”.
But if you consider, that your mind, your sub-conscience, does not have a sense of humour, it does not understand sarcasm and it is only trying to achieve what you are constantly asking for, then...if you tell yourself you are fat, your sub-conscious mind will try damn hard to achieve that for you...same with broke, sick and unhappy unfortunately! Get the idea.
But if you were to constantly tell your self, I am healthy; I have a healthy body, and start to believe it, guess what? You will feel, and more than likely achieve, a healthy body, meaning a healthy weight, not feeling as sick and hopefully feeling happier too!

Don’t let yourself wake up in the morning, thinking “Oh my, this day sucks, these kids are driving me crazy or I hate my job, blah blah blah.” You know what you are going to get, don’t you, a day that sucks big time, insanity causing children, and another horrible day at work. Instead take a few moments to be grateful, positive, say a little affirmation, whatever works for you. Make it yours, your words, your situation. Own it. Write it. Say it. Believe it.

I will admit to you, I am one of those people who likes to have things up on my mirror (call me airy-fairy, I don’t mind!) I write big affirmations in white board pen. At the moment it says “live a beautiful life”. At times it has said things regarding health, happiness, energy, but it is there and a constant reminder, to let my subconscious know what is on my wish list.
The more you think it and say it the more you will believe it, and guess again- once you believe it...you are it. So, constantly thinking with positive affirmations, will make you happy, healthy, wealthy, successful. It is not some distant, one day obtainable thing; it is here, ready, waiting for you, waiting for you to want it, think about it and believe it.

Take the word successful; think to yourself I AM SUCCESSFUL, over and over, regularly, everyday. Soon you will see success in your life; you are successful, in more ways then one. Look at all the things you have successfully done, you are a SUCCESS! See, success wasn’t some far off thing you were trying to achieve, you have been achieving it all along, all this time, you just needed to let yourself know it, feel it, believe it and then you see it! (This works with any type of affirmation by the way!)

I said at the start of this piece, when we think negatively about ourselves and others. Sometimes I find myself standing in a line somewhere, and before I know it Whoomp! I’ve just looked at some stranger, and thought, “get a load of that”...before I can even catch myself. I don’t want to feel like this, I don’t want to be judgmental of another person; this person is the same as me. This person also wants a healthy and happy life. Being judgmental is a form of Junk mail, it doesn’t really matter if things are good or bad... food, days, traffic, someone’s dress sense...it just is. Don’t let the Junk mail run with judging everything you come across.
A fantastic little way to fix this negative blunder is to bless the person, silently wish them a happy and loving life.

My problem recurring thought is “...we can’t, we’re broke” or “I shouldn’t...broke”
So how do I turn that into a positive affirmation, when I sure as heck know how much is in the bank account, so it’s hard to “feel” wealthy! (Because you have to feel it to believe it right?)
Regina suggested to say instead, I choose not to spend my money on that outfit, or going out for dinner or whatever the subject is. We are making a choice; this instantly makes the situation positive, I CHOOSE not to spend my money on that.

Having pure consciousness is pure potentiality. Potentiality is all our infinite possibilities. Our essential nature is pure potentiality. By paying close attention, we can create our future in our present activities.

Live a beautiful life!

suzy x

Don't forget to Breathe

Breathe.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

The simplest and most available way to be Present.

Breathe when you are feeling tired, and it will re-energize you.
Breathe when you are feeling stressed, and it will calm you.
Breathe when the speed of your life feels out of sync with your natural body rhythms, and it will slow you down.

I mindfully breathe every day, and often. When sitting in traffic, noticing a pain in my right shoulder, reading a book, whenever I can remember. Just a few deep, long breaths. Centered again. Breathing is not just for meditation, yoga or calming down. We must also remember to use breathing just for ourselves, a few here, a few there...centered.

My children, like most, can have very strong emotional reactions when something does not turn out as they expected. (read: throw a tantrum when they don’t get their own way). I have started, in small steps, to get them aware of their breath when they feel angry or upset. I touch them on the belly, and ask for one big breath in and a slow breath out, then get them to do it a couple of more times. Filling their bellies when breathing in, and taking twice as long to breathe out.
I know it is having an effect and they are paying attention, as now when I am feeling irritated, one of them will say, “take a big breath mummy”.

Breathing is something we do naturally, but if you do it mindfully it changes your reality, makes you present, in the Now. You become aware of the space you are in.

Breathe when you spend time with those you love, it will keep you focused, instead of your mind wandering off to your work, or the grocery list.
Breathe when you are alone, to remind yourself what a gift each moment is.

Breath awareness brings us back to our senses- what we are hearing, what we are seeing, what we are tasting, touching and smelling. It creates a sense of home in our body, where we can process the thoughts passing through our mind, where we can feel alive in our bodies, and at home in our lives.

By the way, the breath technique I am trying really hard to master is the breath I need to take when someone is speaking to me. Breathe; they may have more to say. Breathe; I will listen better (rather than looking for a pause to say what I want!) Breathe; and consider my reply...
I am still practicing!

Stick the word Breathe on your fridge, write it in white board pen on your mirror, put it up as your screensaver, or a Post It note in your wallet!

Breathe, mindfully, for you.

suzy xx

Here is a great Breath Technique which is especially useful when we are busy, worrying about the past or future, feeling anxious or angry:

Begin by stopping what you are doing – take a few deep breaths –
and then ask yourself one of the following questions:

What is going on for me right now?
What sensations am I aware of in my body?
How am I feeling right now?

It works really well when you are feeling speedy, stressed or irritable.
Developing the habit of stopping and pausing is helpful in enabling us to interrupt automatic habits and coming back to the present moment.

Another great technique, but takes a bit longer;

Deliberately stop and stand tall and straight, then ask yourself “What is going on with me at the moment?” Notice whatever feelings and thoughts you have at that very moment.

Then begin paying full attention to each in-breath and each out-breath, the sensations in your body as they follow one another, in and out.

Expand the field of your awareness around your breathing so that it includes a sense of your body as a whole, your posture and facial expression. Now you are sensing the body from head to toe, allowing the breath to breathe alongside and within the body.

Happiness is a Pleasure

Picture this, you are out to lunch with good friends, the food is delicious, the wine is pouring, the laughter is contagious, the sun is even shining...aahh happiness. Not quite...actually it is pleasure, a passing moment. An easy mistake to make, and one we make often.

But, what we can do is use the moments of pleasure as a trigger to remind us of our happiness. Good friends, yummy food, great wine, laughter, sunshine, take a deep breath, and put these few things into the big picture...you have wealth (well, if you can afford your lunch, you do!) You and your family have health, you are out to lunch not nursing a sniffling child (or worse...husband!), and you have friends to share your life with. It’s a beautiful life.

The other day, I finally got around to cleaning the upstairs of our house. I did the works- bathrooms, bedrooms, all the washing- clothes and linen, the floors were vacuumed and the walls wiped clean of little hand prints. It looked stunning, and gave me such pleasure to walk through. Instead of letting the pleasure allow me to “think” I was “happy” I went straight to my custom affirmation, “I have a beautiful life”. I used the pleasure of seeing my clean home (not to mention the pleasure of finally committing to getting it done, and doing a great job!) as a trigger to acknowledge my happiness. I have a beautiful family, a beautiful home, a beautiful life.

Taking ourselves to this true version of happiness has longer lasting affects than pleasure. Hugging friends’ goodbye after a lovely lunch, only to return to your home with squabbling children and a messy kitchen...the pleasure of the lunch soon wears off!
If you have used the experience to remind you of your total happiness, including the healthy, beautiful, squabbling children, the messy kitchen that can also sparkle and all that encompasses your happiness, the feel good moment won’t be fleeting. It is a state of being.

There are so many moments of pleasure in our lives. Laughing with workmates, dinner dates, holidays, even a visit to the hairdresser! All perfect opportunities to place these small moments into the larger representation of our lives, our happiness. Our beautiful lives. Lucky aren’t we!

suzy x