Karma Farmer

For the last couple of weeks I have struggled with my mindfulness and happiness.

I have been spending time with a friend who has had health issues and is in need. Friends have had fall outs with each other. I had another bout with the dreaded fatigue.
All of this has seeped into my life in a negative energy kind of way, and left me feeling flat and exhausted.

When things get on top of you, or all come at once, it is hard to tread the water and keep your head above!

I have had to go back over all my tools, re-reading certain posts from this blog, and my favorite books, to bring myself back to where I need to be.

It is easy to let sneaky negative influences creep in when all seems to be problematic. The Buddhists believe there are no problems, just situations. I am trying to focus on solutions for situations rather than the problems I first saw, because as we all know, focusing on something will just make it bigger and stronger. And there is always a solution...or there could be no problems!

I have moved away from concentrating on what is upsetting my friends or myself and really started thinking about how I can deal with the situation, without getting too emotionally involved, because if I do that and gather the negative energy, I am of no help to anyone.

I have come up with solutions that I can use, and this has left me feeling positive and active. I may not be able to solve a whole situation, but I can certainly start improvements.

So I re-read, used the tools, caught some sunlight whenever I could, rested, meditated, cleared my mind...it has been going 100 miles a millisecond with all of this. LOADS of junk mail! It has been quite a job to keep reminding myself that it is just junk mail and that I am telling myself stories when I imagine; this is happening because...or someone meant that when they said...or they must think this...all just made up stories.

When we get angry, upset or negative we want to change the external, we want someone to behave differently, or say something else, or see things our way. But it is the internal we need to concentrate on, only we can let ourselves feel negative, upset or angry with a situation. We can only change the internal. We can only really be happy when we are aware of the internal. When we feel anger, but can accept it, and make a choice not to act negatively on it, we are empowering ourselves. We have made a positive choice.

So all this was going on when I came across this Chinese saying about Karma;

If you plant melons, you will harvest melons. If you plant beans, you will harvest beans.

How true, how simple. It gave me an idea for a new tool. Karma Farming!
What if every time I planted a seed of good karma (a positive action), I actually visualize a little paddock marked say COMPASSION and I planted a little seed.

So I set up my imaginary farm. I have paddocks for all the good qualities that I deem important. I even have a paddock for each of my children; every time I am patient or kind (when feeling frazzled!) off I go to the little paddock and plant the seed. Very soon I will have many crops! And I will be repaid in the same way; I will sow my reward...because that’s how Karma works.

And it is fun! My farm is in a sweet little valley and the paddocks have charming wooden fences with arches over the gates with the name of each quality that I am sowing. I am taking great care...I’m a Karma Farmer!

suzy x

The Car Park Thief

Last week I wrote about my list of things that make me smile. But hey, I know it’s not all good times, light and happiness!

In this day and age we are surrounded by anger. We are bombarded by the media; road rage, car park rage, even shopping trolley rage. We yell abuse, give the finger and shout *beep* you at anyone and every one who annoys us.

The world is an angry place, and perhaps becoming angrier. We believe we are permitted to be angry and this allows us to find even more to be angry about. Why? Who said this was ok? Deep down we know it’s not ok.

A few years ago, I was stomping around as angry as every one else, if you irritated me then *beep* you too! At the time I was seeing a natural practitioner for my fatigue and pain, and saying “I’m soo angry...and I don’t know why, I actually have no reason to be”. So why?

I don’t know why, maybe because it is being thrust at us as an acceptable practice. Maybe because I hadn’t figured out there was an easier way to be. I think back and try and work out where my anger went, I don’t know, but I do know that since I have practiced mindfulness and chosen happiness my anger has reduced greatly.

Anger is like jealousy, both horrible emotions that leave you feeling terrible and knotted up inside. Aggression, rage, self focused and self righteous. Criticizing someone’s sense of identity, ruining someone’s happiness. It is difficult to be around angry people; it is unpleasant to be an angry person. Negative emotions rob you of your peace and happiness.

I read that when feeling anger, take a moment to ask what is it that you need right now? Sort out yourself, and then look at the situation. I used this last week in a car park. I had the kids in the car, waiting patiently for a car to back out of its space, when I hear a toot. Some lady had pulled up behind the exiting car and was gesturing at me with a very self satisfied smile that the park was hers (it wasn’t. I was there first!) The car backed out in such a way that she could zip straight in.

The old me may have pulled over and questioned her (not sure if that’s the right term!) on this. The new me still struggled with my emotions, grrrr, that look on her face, who did she think she was, grrr, I could go and kick her car (not really, but a satisfying thought!).

The kids started picking up on my anger, I thought to myself; what do I need right now...a car park...and I will find one in the next few minutes so I’ve just got to drive off and find one, and I did...left that lady behind, left the anger behind, and got on with my day.

I also use this method with my children. It’s bedtime and the routine starts; can I have a drink, a piece of apple, one more hug. I can feel very angry as I just want to relax and have some time to myself, or I can look at the situation; what do I need.
I need those two to get to sleep! I can yell, rant, threaten and it will leave us all a little worse for wear. Or I can do what needs to be done, whether it is another hug, some apple, and then firmly reminding them it is bedtime. It’s quicker and it doesn’t leave us all feeling drained.
It is my choice though, how I react, and I have to be aware of this. It doesn’t mean I don’t find it annoying, but I choose my response.

It’s like everything. You can choose anger, you can choose to jump up on your high horse, get mad, plan to get even, hold grudges, and choose to hold onto all the bitterness, pain and every yukky emotion that goes with being angry.
Or you can choose to not.

You can choose to be happy instead of “right”. You can choose to forgive. You can choose to figure out why you are angry, what do you need to sort it out for you.
You can choose how to respond to your emotions, you can choose the impact that another’s act will have on you.
You can choose to take control of your thoughts, and not allow yourself to get caught up in a negative situation.
You can know what your triggers are, kids refusing to stay in bed, that person from work pushing your buttons, partner not listening, a friend’s thoughtless remark...and react differently to the triggers, take a deep breathe, acknowledge, and find an alternative way to respond.

Friends, family members, partners, work colleagues, our children. All are capable of making us feel angry.
Imagine if we all made a conscious choice for our peace and happiness.
Imagine if we all treated each other and ourselves with understanding and empathy.

So, next time you feel ready to lose your cool over a car park... Think again, choose a beautiful life!

suzy x