There is a quote from the Buddha I love-
“Your Body is Precious. It is our vehicle for awakening. Treat it with Care.”
The last time I wrote on this blog was a year ago around the same time as now. (I’ve had a sabbatical of sorts, but I’m back my beautiful lifers ☺)
A time when it seems all forms of media wheel out the tried and done before stories on New Year Resolutions, diets, bodies, body makeovers, how to lose 5 kilos in 2 weeks, and countless other articles relating to our bodies. It’s the time of year we cant help but look at ourselves and think it might be time to work on our health and weight…again!
I started thinking about the issues we all have with our bodies. It’s as if we have Two Bodies, the one we actually live in, and then the one we are constantly dreaming we have, the one we relentlessly inspire to have, the one that makes us look at the one we with aversion, by wishfully wanting the other. The one we think will bring us happiness and contentment, that once we have we will live happily ever after.
We can easily find beauty all around us in the world, but not in our own bodies.
We spend time and energy on looking after our minds. Reading and educating ourselves. Finding out about Positive Thought, Mindfulness, and Meditation.
But a serene mind is nothing without a healthy body.
And I say healthy body; I don’t say thin, buff, perfect body.
What we need to aim for is a Healthy Body.
What we really need to aim for is a Healthy Relationship with our body.
We most certainly need to damn well appreciate and love these bodies!
Your Body Is Precious!
The body you have is the Home to your Soul. It is your Home. This body knows you, it looks after you as best it can, and it works with what we give it. What are you giving yours to work with?
Have you ever thought about all the things your body does for you?
EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Not only does it do all the anatomy stuff with out us even noticing, such as breathing, pumping blood, healing, detoxing, digesting, renewing cells- but it also hugs our loved ones, kisses our lover, and cradles our children. It runs to the train station, jogs around a lake, the housework done, laughs with friends, the family fed, dances all night, the kids to school, your work finished.
It unlocks your front door at the end of every busy day, it takes you wherever you want to go, it joins you in any activity you want to do.
This is a daily miracle, which we don’t even notice, and that is because our bodies perform it so gracefully. Imagine if we had to think about everything to get anything to happen. Seriously, like breathing, heart beating, walking, looking, arms swinging…now times that by a ga-jillion.
We need to appreciate all this hard work our body puts in for us and take care of it.
We need to appreciate all the things our body does and be grateful and love it.
Life is way to short to hate your body. To be constantly picking on your own body and wishing it were different. Your body is a temple, you need to get down on your knees and worship it. (and if you don’t, how will anyone else feel inclined to either).
Don’t compare your body to others; it will only make you bitter…or vain.
Don’t compare your body to others- do you want all of their lives? Their problems, their job, their terrible sense of humour?
Don’t compare yourself to others, everybody is supposed to be different, we are all unique. You’re not others.
Love YOUR body.
When you think of people whom you really admire, who inspire you, who you enjoy being with…is it their body that gives you these feelings? No, it is who they are, their confidence, happiness, strengths, intelligence, kind nature…it is many, many things, but is not…Gee, I really love that amazing person as she has a such great body.
Probably one thing you have subconsciously noticed about most of the people you admire is that they most likely carry their body with confidence.
Love your body, and be proud to walk around in it. Hold your head up, shoulders back, and STRUT! Walk with savvy confidence, which tells every one, I love this body of mine, I feel good in it, I appreciate it…you will be amazed how good this feels to do. And if you are just new at loving your body, think of the old adage when all else fails- Fake It! Yep, that’s right, Fake it, till you Make it!
Focus on your body’s good points, not it’s faults. Hey it’s got you this far, that’s something pretty awesome right there. I’m sure you have many bits you can love, give it a go, have a think about it and make a mental list. Remember that list when you want to think about how you don’t like your thighs, and revert to the “good bits” list! Banish the negative Body Talk, with your “Good Bits” list. Love your long legs, your shiny hair, the beautiful colour of your eyes, and your infectious laugh.
Pay attention to when people compliment you on what you are wearing, this means you are wearing a style that suits your body shape. Wear clothes that suit YOU. Wear comfortable clothes, nothing can make us feel worse than a “too tight waistband” or a “too short shirt”. You don’t have to be a clone. Wear clothes that you feel good in (and then you get your confident walk going…and Look Out!)
Stop hoarding clothes to fit that other body; it just makes you miserable to see them. It also makes you feel miserable to have nothing to wear, replace them, with something that fits and looks great.
…Treat It With Care.
Yes, we do need to love our body enough to treat it with a little care, like we would for others without even thinking. Treat it like you would your own child. Make sure it gets enough sleep, eats healthily, and doesn’t spend too much time in front of the TV.
Get enough SLEEP. Your body has worked hard for you all day, and everyday. Give it enough time to rest, rejuvenate, repair and rehydrate.
MAKE SMALL CHANGES with Food. 1 extra piece of fruit a day. 1 less cup of coffee. Another alcohol free day in your week. A few less takeaways a month.
GO SLOWER. It’s not a race; no one wins a trophy at the end. Slow Down. Oh, and try to slow down your eating too while your at it.
LISTEN. Your body talks to you all the time. Listen to your pain. A sore neck, how are you sitting at your desk, stretch. Headaches, dehydrated, have a glass of water. Tired, get some sleep.
WATER!!
Give your body more water!
Life cannot exist without water. Water prevents and cures illnesses and ailments.
Our bodies are 80% water.
Our cells are made up of water.
Our spine needs water, to hold our body up; there is water between every disc.
Water stimulates the circulation of blood and fluids. It aids digestion, absorption, excretion and toxin removal- it is our natural de-toxer, want to go on a Detox just drink more water!
Water invigorates and relaxes the body, so…whatever your mood, have a glass of water; it will help you either way.
Our skin is 90% water. Without it, our skin is unhealthy, flaky, tight, dry, and more prone to wrinkles. Water controls and regulates the skins natural balance.
Did you know that all other drinks require water from our body to be properly digested? They steal from us! A soft drink requires 8-12 glasses of water to replace what is uses to digest. Other drinks do not quench our thirst; in fact they really dehydrate us. So we drink another soft drink or coffee, and we become more dehydrated…we get a headache, we feel thirsty, Have A Glass of Water, better yet, have a glass of water before you feel thirsty!
DON’T EXERCISE TO LOSE WEIGHT. Exercise for enjoyment. Find something you enjoy doing. For me its yoga and beach walking, for others it is pure joy to go to the gym, run or cycle. Maybe it’s a game of tennis with friends, walking the dog, or a game of golf. Find what you love, what clears your mind, gets you breathing deeply. When I leave my Yoga I can always feel my body saying “Thank you”. When I take a long power walk on the beach early in the morning, I get to think about everything I need to for my day, before the kids are up, and I’m busy making breakfasts and getting them off to school. And when I roller-skate with my 9-year-old daughter, well, that’s just fun! As a lovely 80 year old said to me when I expressed my admiration for her daily long walk, “You gotta Move it, or You’ll Lose it!” That’s all it takes, just getting some movement.
AWARENESS and RESPONSIBILITY.
A friend read over this blog for me last night before I posted, and she asked the question “Why did I think we had become so “disconnected” from our true bodies?” Yes, Why?
Maybe the reason we are not happy with the body we have is; it is easier to distance ourselves from the knowledge that we are not making healthy choices as often as we should. It is easier to hate your stomach roll, then to accept you may eat too much junk food, or drink to much alcohol, or do absolutely no exercise.
We need to understand the impact of our daily habits. And whether you choose healthy habits or unhealthy habits.
We need to take Responsibility. Only you are responsible for what shape your body is in. Next time you grab that muffin top with disgust, think about your habits, and what you are giving your precious body to work with?
Are you being Mindful…or mindless when it comes to how you treat your body?
ALWAYS ACCEPT and LOVE.
Revel in your positives, instead of wasting time squeezing cellulite. Don’t let the shape of your body hold back your happiness; life is about so much more than your hips. If you are making healthy choices more often than not, your body will be at the size it is supposed to be, whatever the number on the jeans is. Love that. Live in the now, be grateful for what your body is capable of doing for you and treat yourself with some kindness. Be astounded every night and every morning with what this wonderful body has given.
Your Beauty and Worth cannot be measured on a set of scales or with a tape measure.
Love your beautiful bodies, they are truly amazing!
suzy x
Monday, January 30, 2012
Monday, July 11, 2011
Time Flies
Wow- over 6 months since I have posted here on my blog.
My apologies to all my dear followers :)
Exciting excuses though! I have spent the last 12 months becoming a qualified Bowen Therapy Practitioner, and have my own wonderful little clinic set up in my home- where I am also treating clients with an incredible range of Therapeutic Grade Essential Oils that bring awesome results.
And if that wasn't enough on my plate! I have stumbled across a wonderful Wellness Product, that helps the body achieve total optimum function, lowering cholesterol and blood sugar levels....and total fat loss! This amazing product has been 100% guaranteed, is 100% natural, and 100% keeping me very busy with all the demands of supply- as I'm sure you can imagine
so, that is my excuse...I have spent the last few months very busy building up my Beautiful Life Wellness business and loving every minute of it....
But I have missed you, and missed writing, so now now I have a chance to catch my breath, I promise to post again...very soon...without sounding like the above advertisement :)
suzy
xx
My apologies to all my dear followers :)
Exciting excuses though! I have spent the last 12 months becoming a qualified Bowen Therapy Practitioner, and have my own wonderful little clinic set up in my home- where I am also treating clients with an incredible range of Therapeutic Grade Essential Oils that bring awesome results.
And if that wasn't enough on my plate! I have stumbled across a wonderful Wellness Product, that helps the body achieve total optimum function, lowering cholesterol and blood sugar levels....and total fat loss! This amazing product has been 100% guaranteed, is 100% natural, and 100% keeping me very busy with all the demands of supply- as I'm sure you can imagine
so, that is my excuse...I have spent the last few months very busy building up my Beautiful Life Wellness business and loving every minute of it....
But I have missed you, and missed writing, so now now I have a chance to catch my breath, I promise to post again...very soon...without sounding like the above advertisement :)
suzy
xx
Friday, January 21, 2011
New Year Evolution
So here we are, it’s January 2011, another New Year…and every year it seems the same; wherever we turn, we are surrounded by magazines filled with articles on diets and resolutions, newspaper columns on how to quit this and give up that, television programs telling us how we can do it all, and our own minds swimming with plans to exercise more, get healthier and all the diets, resolutions, and quitting we have been bombarded with!
Though I do have to agree that New Year is the perfect time to make amends for all the wrong doings during the festive season- the few extra kilos to our weight from over indulging, the headaches on those mornings after, and just that general feeling of “blah and fatigue” after a month or so of too much good spirit with our families and friends.
Yes, the New Year offers us a great opportunity to start afresh.
However I’m not a big fan of the resolution, in fact the last resolution I made; several years ago, was to never make another resolution again!
Resolutions seem they are bound to be broken- and within only a few days or weeks of being made at that, no matter how good the original intentions!
So this year, as I found myself feeling “blah and fatigued” after an actually fairly relaxed though naturally active and full festive period, I decided I would have a New Year Evolution in place of the Resolution!
It came about as I was walking past a local health food shop that had a sign out the front advertising their “Festive Fatigue Buster Package”- Olive Leaf Extract, Tresos B PluSe and CO-Enzyme Q10…I thought I can do that- because in fact I have all 3 at home already. Instead of being tempted by the ridiculously expensive detox packages that are about everywhere at this time of year, I will go back to my own cupboards, my own tried and tested supplements, it’s simple, already there… in fact I obviously had once planned to regularly take this stuff, which I do kind-of do, but I will start up again, and stick to it…3 things, easy.
I live in Queensland, Australia and our worst floods in 100 years have recently hit local areas.
So I have been given the perfect opportunity to cleanse our home. I am going through all our cupboards and shelves so we can donate toys, clothes, linen, shoes, kitchenware; whatever we have that we can give to those who lost everything.
What a wonderful reason to get rid of all our clutter.
And anyone in Australia has the opportunity to do this right now- actually wherever you are, you are able to find a worthy charity to give to, take that opportunity and cleanse your home, for your New Year Evolution!
Make it a New Year Evolution action every year; perfect timing after the new Christmas gifts your family has received.
There will be no more Spring Cleaning for me, from now on it will be known as the New Year Evolution House Cleanse.
OK, so I am really getting into my New Year Evolution way of thinking now…and I come across a piece that says something like this “Imagine if every morning when you woke, you decided on one thing you could do that would improve your life, and you would stick to it” Wow! Yep, I can do that, in my sleepy moments, when I adore laying for just a moment longer in the mornings, I use the time to think of one thing that will improve my life…I have been thinking the same thing each morning since reading this, and so far it is working fine, it helps me focus on that one small thing that I have decided to do to improve my life.
Very simple, very powerful, very evolutionary.
Very similarly, is deciding to make a small change in one area.
A friend was telling me of her new decision, that when she indulges in her much loved treat of a fast food hit, she now just gets the burger, and no longer has the fries and soft drink. So she is still getting her treat and doesn’t feel like she is missing out, but has cut her fast food hit in half. We can’t always be perfect, and we should be able to enjoy our not-so-good treats too, but we can make small changes to these habits to improve them.
Change from Milk Chocolate to Organic Dark- you definitely can’t eat as much in one go, and I can highly recommend the chilli flavoured ones.
Swap one television program a week for an hour of reading.
Substitute every second cigarette for a glass of water, or a 5-minute walk around the block.
Struggling for family time, make Friday night Game night, and choose just one game to play.
Small changes are small steps. Made daily, not in the future, and not by saying, “That’s it, I’m completely giving up junk food!”
At this time of year, whilst I am on my simple Evolution movement, I will also take the opportunity to let go of the past.
We all have people; experiences and memories that we need to let go of- to cleanse our lives and minds from.
Take the New Year to release yourself of these.
This is something I have come up with that has helped me to do exactly this:
Sometimes the answer is that there is no answer.
Sometimes my truth is not going to be what someone else’s truth is.
Sometimes closure will not be given from another, and must be found within oneself.
And I will never be able to logically figure out something that I see as illogical.
Resolutions are hard to achieve, as they are set in the future, they don’t usually have a real plan- just a statement; I’m going to exercise more, they are “big” and when the motivation wears off, they are bound to fail.
An Evolution is about making small conscience steps, daily. Making changes that you know will improve your life. Accepting that you cant do it all at once, but you can be aware of what needs to improve, and can be changed. An Evolution does not need to start on January 1st every year, but can be with you all year.
An Evolution is Simpler. And there doesn’t have to be failure, just moving forward
So discover your own New Year Evolution!
Viva the Evolution.
Viva the beautiful life
suzy x
Though I do have to agree that New Year is the perfect time to make amends for all the wrong doings during the festive season- the few extra kilos to our weight from over indulging, the headaches on those mornings after, and just that general feeling of “blah and fatigue” after a month or so of too much good spirit with our families and friends.
Yes, the New Year offers us a great opportunity to start afresh.
However I’m not a big fan of the resolution, in fact the last resolution I made; several years ago, was to never make another resolution again!
Resolutions seem they are bound to be broken- and within only a few days or weeks of being made at that, no matter how good the original intentions!
So this year, as I found myself feeling “blah and fatigued” after an actually fairly relaxed though naturally active and full festive period, I decided I would have a New Year Evolution in place of the Resolution!
It came about as I was walking past a local health food shop that had a sign out the front advertising their “Festive Fatigue Buster Package”- Olive Leaf Extract, Tresos B PluSe and CO-Enzyme Q10…I thought I can do that- because in fact I have all 3 at home already. Instead of being tempted by the ridiculously expensive detox packages that are about everywhere at this time of year, I will go back to my own cupboards, my own tried and tested supplements, it’s simple, already there… in fact I obviously had once planned to regularly take this stuff, which I do kind-of do, but I will start up again, and stick to it…3 things, easy.
I live in Queensland, Australia and our worst floods in 100 years have recently hit local areas.
So I have been given the perfect opportunity to cleanse our home. I am going through all our cupboards and shelves so we can donate toys, clothes, linen, shoes, kitchenware; whatever we have that we can give to those who lost everything.
What a wonderful reason to get rid of all our clutter.
And anyone in Australia has the opportunity to do this right now- actually wherever you are, you are able to find a worthy charity to give to, take that opportunity and cleanse your home, for your New Year Evolution!
Make it a New Year Evolution action every year; perfect timing after the new Christmas gifts your family has received.
There will be no more Spring Cleaning for me, from now on it will be known as the New Year Evolution House Cleanse.
OK, so I am really getting into my New Year Evolution way of thinking now…and I come across a piece that says something like this “Imagine if every morning when you woke, you decided on one thing you could do that would improve your life, and you would stick to it” Wow! Yep, I can do that, in my sleepy moments, when I adore laying for just a moment longer in the mornings, I use the time to think of one thing that will improve my life…I have been thinking the same thing each morning since reading this, and so far it is working fine, it helps me focus on that one small thing that I have decided to do to improve my life.
Very simple, very powerful, very evolutionary.
Very similarly, is deciding to make a small change in one area.
A friend was telling me of her new decision, that when she indulges in her much loved treat of a fast food hit, she now just gets the burger, and no longer has the fries and soft drink. So she is still getting her treat and doesn’t feel like she is missing out, but has cut her fast food hit in half. We can’t always be perfect, and we should be able to enjoy our not-so-good treats too, but we can make small changes to these habits to improve them.
Change from Milk Chocolate to Organic Dark- you definitely can’t eat as much in one go, and I can highly recommend the chilli flavoured ones.
Swap one television program a week for an hour of reading.
Substitute every second cigarette for a glass of water, or a 5-minute walk around the block.
Struggling for family time, make Friday night Game night, and choose just one game to play.
Small changes are small steps. Made daily, not in the future, and not by saying, “That’s it, I’m completely giving up junk food!”
At this time of year, whilst I am on my simple Evolution movement, I will also take the opportunity to let go of the past.
We all have people; experiences and memories that we need to let go of- to cleanse our lives and minds from.
Take the New Year to release yourself of these.
This is something I have come up with that has helped me to do exactly this:
Sometimes the answer is that there is no answer.
Sometimes my truth is not going to be what someone else’s truth is.
Sometimes closure will not be given from another, and must be found within oneself.
And I will never be able to logically figure out something that I see as illogical.
Resolutions are hard to achieve, as they are set in the future, they don’t usually have a real plan- just a statement; I’m going to exercise more, they are “big” and when the motivation wears off, they are bound to fail.
An Evolution is about making small conscience steps, daily. Making changes that you know will improve your life. Accepting that you cant do it all at once, but you can be aware of what needs to improve, and can be changed. An Evolution does not need to start on January 1st every year, but can be with you all year.
An Evolution is Simpler. And there doesn’t have to be failure, just moving forward
So discover your own New Year Evolution!
Viva the Evolution.
Viva the beautiful life
suzy x
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Stress Less
Last Sunday, which was Boxing Day- the day after Christmas, I happened to read in the paper about a UK study at Essex University of which its research shows that spending 5 minutes just looking at foliage can relieve stress. That exposure to nature can alleviate depression and anxiety, lower blood pressure and improve health and self esteem. A short stroll, or just giving your self 5 minutes in a green space can do this.
I can totally relate to this. I quite often stare at the leaves rustling in the breeze on one of the trees in our yard when I need to get into the now, and help to move my mind away from something that is worrying me. A little like watching rolling waves or flickering flames I guess.
It was amusing to read the article on this particular Boxing Day, as our whole Christmas period has been a deluge of persistent rain. So of course there have been periods of “cabin-fever” in our home, with us all being indoors for long interludes. Thankfully the weather is still warm enough, and kids love to swim in the rain, so we are not completely on ‘lock in”. Though when the noise level has hit an all time high, because little people’s level of excitement on Christmas day really does hit the all time high, I have found myself staring at the palm trees that surround our home, deliciously dripping with rain, looking a stunningly vivid green and freshly washed.
So what are some other tried and true ways to “Stress Less” I started to wonder?
Number One would have to be Breathing.
Breathing clears the head, calms the nerves and relaxes the muscles.
I have previously written a Blog on Breathing, it’s virtues and some techniques in “Don’t Forget To Breathe” July 2009
Unplug.
I find that when our household stress levels reach a peak, I can usually count on finding the TV, a computer or two, and even an electronic game all on around our home, blaring away to some or none, adding to the noise.
Turning them all off, making every one unplug, chill out, find something to do, read a book, go for a walk, chat or play together…it always seems to work.
It remarkably ends bickering between my two children almost instantly.
When feeling stressed, it is because we find ourselves Unbalanced.
All our energies are going to one area of our lives in particular, be it work, home, or something else entirely. When we are unbalanced, we are “stretched” beyond our comfort. Find more balance for yourself; don’t spend your time at home thinking about work, or visa versa.
Do not let one area take over your life!
Spread yourself evenly to avoid the ‘stretch’.
When feeling overwhelmed with particular workloads, allocate time frames to achieve what you need to do.
I have been working for most of this past year on two films, and my house is badly in need of a long over due Spring Clean. Instead of stressing out about this at this particularly busy time of Christmas, I have given myself a goal of when to get it done by…which happens to be February, as I also have a lot of study to catch up on in January, and again, instead of stressing my self out about that, I am prioritising what needs to be caught up on first- Study, then the Big Clean up.
Don’t add to your stress, by thinking about tasks ahead of you, just concentrate on the one at hand.
And for me and my family, that is too enjoy the Christmas and New Year Break together, in a relaxed way after a busy year.
Ground Yourself. There are many ways to do this. One very popular way is by getting into nature, pretty much what the above-mentioned study is about. Walking barefoot on the sand or grass, sitting on a rock, lying on your lawn, or under a tree, sifting soil or sand through your hand, gardening…staring at a tree.
Some prefer to gain their grounding through water, dipping their feet into a creek, or walking along the beach, and best of all, easy and well worth it, running a warm bath, adding Epsom salts and soaking for 20 mins.
Whether it is a calming drumbeat, being in nature or just breathing, practice techniques that you can use to ground yourself.
Look it up, research it, practice some find something that works for you and that you like, then remember it as your special grounding technique for when you recognize you feel stressed, and put it to use.
You may be thinking; but hey- I don’t live next to the ocean, a creek, a park or even have immediate access to any of this, and what if I’m at work, or in the car? You can still use memories and visualizations of these experiences, and you can have a pot plant in most all places…except probably the car! I have a beautiful Peace Lily at the moment, which I take great joy in tending, though I’m not particularly a gardener type. My husband’s Mother told me about a time she had a panic attack on a plane, which was very unusual for her, but due to the stress off being at an unfamiliar and large international airport and also running late; as she sat down it just happened. She visualized about how she would be home soon and walking her dog on the beach, and the focusing on these calming and pleasant thoughts got her through the stress she was feeling intensely in that moment.
The Basic Self Care Rules really apply to times when you are stressed.
Make sure you are eating well, drinking water, taking walks, listening to music and getting enough sleep.
Fairly basic, and very true.
If we are lacking in these basic areas, we tend to hit our stressed out levels quite quickly and easily.
Eliminate your worries, work on ways you can deal with them.
Think about what your top 5 list of worries that cause you stress are; e.g. Finances, Weight, Work, Family.
Deal with one topic on your list for at least a week (more if it needs).
Think it through, think of ways you could make it less stressful.
Is there something you could do to make the situation improve?
Is it something that you could think through further and learn to accept?
Is there someone you could discuss it with?
Are there actions you can take to help you with the stress the issue causes?
Are there actions that will eliminate this as an issue?
Practice Optimistic and Positive thoughts.
Thoughts are powerful; they can affect your attitude and your situation. They can alleviate your stress, or at least lower the levels.
So next time you feel stressed out, spend 5 minutes with a tree, take a deep breath, press your fingers into the ground, afterwards, give over to your more positive thoughts, and let yourself find the ways to overcome your stress naturally.
And continue on with your un-stressed beautiful life
suzy x
I can totally relate to this. I quite often stare at the leaves rustling in the breeze on one of the trees in our yard when I need to get into the now, and help to move my mind away from something that is worrying me. A little like watching rolling waves or flickering flames I guess.
It was amusing to read the article on this particular Boxing Day, as our whole Christmas period has been a deluge of persistent rain. So of course there have been periods of “cabin-fever” in our home, with us all being indoors for long interludes. Thankfully the weather is still warm enough, and kids love to swim in the rain, so we are not completely on ‘lock in”. Though when the noise level has hit an all time high, because little people’s level of excitement on Christmas day really does hit the all time high, I have found myself staring at the palm trees that surround our home, deliciously dripping with rain, looking a stunningly vivid green and freshly washed.
So what are some other tried and true ways to “Stress Less” I started to wonder?
Number One would have to be Breathing.
Breathing clears the head, calms the nerves and relaxes the muscles.
I have previously written a Blog on Breathing, it’s virtues and some techniques in “Don’t Forget To Breathe” July 2009
Unplug.
I find that when our household stress levels reach a peak, I can usually count on finding the TV, a computer or two, and even an electronic game all on around our home, blaring away to some or none, adding to the noise.
Turning them all off, making every one unplug, chill out, find something to do, read a book, go for a walk, chat or play together…it always seems to work.
It remarkably ends bickering between my two children almost instantly.
When feeling stressed, it is because we find ourselves Unbalanced.
All our energies are going to one area of our lives in particular, be it work, home, or something else entirely. When we are unbalanced, we are “stretched” beyond our comfort. Find more balance for yourself; don’t spend your time at home thinking about work, or visa versa.
Do not let one area take over your life!
Spread yourself evenly to avoid the ‘stretch’.
When feeling overwhelmed with particular workloads, allocate time frames to achieve what you need to do.
I have been working for most of this past year on two films, and my house is badly in need of a long over due Spring Clean. Instead of stressing out about this at this particularly busy time of Christmas, I have given myself a goal of when to get it done by…which happens to be February, as I also have a lot of study to catch up on in January, and again, instead of stressing my self out about that, I am prioritising what needs to be caught up on first- Study, then the Big Clean up.
Don’t add to your stress, by thinking about tasks ahead of you, just concentrate on the one at hand.
And for me and my family, that is too enjoy the Christmas and New Year Break together, in a relaxed way after a busy year.
Ground Yourself. There are many ways to do this. One very popular way is by getting into nature, pretty much what the above-mentioned study is about. Walking barefoot on the sand or grass, sitting on a rock, lying on your lawn, or under a tree, sifting soil or sand through your hand, gardening…staring at a tree.
Some prefer to gain their grounding through water, dipping their feet into a creek, or walking along the beach, and best of all, easy and well worth it, running a warm bath, adding Epsom salts and soaking for 20 mins.
Whether it is a calming drumbeat, being in nature or just breathing, practice techniques that you can use to ground yourself.
Look it up, research it, practice some find something that works for you and that you like, then remember it as your special grounding technique for when you recognize you feel stressed, and put it to use.
You may be thinking; but hey- I don’t live next to the ocean, a creek, a park or even have immediate access to any of this, and what if I’m at work, or in the car? You can still use memories and visualizations of these experiences, and you can have a pot plant in most all places…except probably the car! I have a beautiful Peace Lily at the moment, which I take great joy in tending, though I’m not particularly a gardener type. My husband’s Mother told me about a time she had a panic attack on a plane, which was very unusual for her, but due to the stress off being at an unfamiliar and large international airport and also running late; as she sat down it just happened. She visualized about how she would be home soon and walking her dog on the beach, and the focusing on these calming and pleasant thoughts got her through the stress she was feeling intensely in that moment.
The Basic Self Care Rules really apply to times when you are stressed.
Make sure you are eating well, drinking water, taking walks, listening to music and getting enough sleep.
Fairly basic, and very true.
If we are lacking in these basic areas, we tend to hit our stressed out levels quite quickly and easily.
Eliminate your worries, work on ways you can deal with them.
Think about what your top 5 list of worries that cause you stress are; e.g. Finances, Weight, Work, Family.
Deal with one topic on your list for at least a week (more if it needs).
Think it through, think of ways you could make it less stressful.
Is there something you could do to make the situation improve?
Is it something that you could think through further and learn to accept?
Is there someone you could discuss it with?
Are there actions you can take to help you with the stress the issue causes?
Are there actions that will eliminate this as an issue?
Practice Optimistic and Positive thoughts.
Thoughts are powerful; they can affect your attitude and your situation. They can alleviate your stress, or at least lower the levels.
So next time you feel stressed out, spend 5 minutes with a tree, take a deep breath, press your fingers into the ground, afterwards, give over to your more positive thoughts, and let yourself find the ways to overcome your stress naturally.
And continue on with your un-stressed beautiful life
suzy x
Sunday, October 17, 2010
The Joy of being 40
I have often joked that if I knew how it felt to be 40 years old, I would have done it 15 years ago!
I love being on the “grown up” journey, when you start to truly understand yourself and recognize the things you “need”.
I look at the friends and family in my life, and I know that over the last few years the people around me have become a supportive and loving assemblage. Gone are the days of younger years- comparing, “bitching” and judging. I like to think my “friendship tree” has been pruned down to the essentials. Sometimes you just got to cut some branches off. Age has bought the realisation that I am better off to share my time with people who offer positive aspects to my life.
I am able to feel responsible for my own state of being; I don’t rely on others to produce happiness for me. I get through painful and hurtful times, by remembering it is only my take on someone’s actions that brings pain and hurt into my life.
I feel old enough to be able to be comfortable with who I am.
I don’t need to carry life’s burdens. I look for ways to understand them, accept them, and grow from them. I can always find a positive outlook on these situations…there is always something good that comes from these times.
I no longer expect to be with my soul mate, in fact I believe in soul mates about as much as I do a happy Hollywood ending. I am married to a man though, that I recognize love in most all of his actions. And I do know that when I am 80 years old sitting back and sipping a cider (though I don’t drink cider now it feels it might be an appropriate tipple at 80!)…It’s his hand I want to be holding.
My work ethic has changed. All about me has a different meaning to the “all about me” of my youth. All about me means that I do the best I can do, in the best way I can. I do not let myself be held to other people’s expectations, as I securely know I have done the best I can.
I am also in the process of altering my career, to something I feel more attuned to. My new path is about what I want to be doing, and what I know will give me immense fulfilment, it fills a long held desire of what I feel is my “true calling”. It is a change that will not only benefit myself, but my family. I am so very excited by this change, and it brings me so much joy to be planning it out. I have pondered over this for many years, not being able to quite put my finger on exactly “what” it was that I wanted to do. Not have I only been able to realise it, but I may be able to even blend it into my current work life, merging the two together, until a new path becomes the way.
I have a stronger understanding of my own opinions now, and yet, I also have a greater acceptance of others opinions. I do not need for everyone to agree with me. I enjoy hearing other’s beliefs and thoughts, learning from them, taking the bits that make a fit with mine, even changing how I originally felt about something, always growing stronger in the heart of my belief system.
I trust my own judgement more than I ever did, yet am able to accept that I can make errors, and I am able to forgive myself for these.
I am more patient. I am able to sit and wait things out, or just accept what I cannot change.
I don’t need other’s approval. My relationship with myself gets stronger and healthier with every birthday. All I need is my approval, based on my knowledge of that what I am doing is right for myself and for those around me.
I have learnt to be grateful. I have learnt how to have gratitude in my life. I am grateful for things that never would have crossed my mind at 25!
And best of all I get to enjoy more grown up things like a fabulous new blend of green tea, my women’s group, making healthy choices over partying lifestyle and being a kinder person.
I love this beautiful aging process, and it is amazing to realise I am only half way through it! I am looking forward to each decade. For the knowledge it brings, the contentment…the shift in consciousness.
So much to look forward to in this beautiful life.
suzy x
I love being on the “grown up” journey, when you start to truly understand yourself and recognize the things you “need”.
I look at the friends and family in my life, and I know that over the last few years the people around me have become a supportive and loving assemblage. Gone are the days of younger years- comparing, “bitching” and judging. I like to think my “friendship tree” has been pruned down to the essentials. Sometimes you just got to cut some branches off. Age has bought the realisation that I am better off to share my time with people who offer positive aspects to my life.
I am able to feel responsible for my own state of being; I don’t rely on others to produce happiness for me. I get through painful and hurtful times, by remembering it is only my take on someone’s actions that brings pain and hurt into my life.
I feel old enough to be able to be comfortable with who I am.
I don’t need to carry life’s burdens. I look for ways to understand them, accept them, and grow from them. I can always find a positive outlook on these situations…there is always something good that comes from these times.
I no longer expect to be with my soul mate, in fact I believe in soul mates about as much as I do a happy Hollywood ending. I am married to a man though, that I recognize love in most all of his actions. And I do know that when I am 80 years old sitting back and sipping a cider (though I don’t drink cider now it feels it might be an appropriate tipple at 80!)…It’s his hand I want to be holding.
My work ethic has changed. All about me has a different meaning to the “all about me” of my youth. All about me means that I do the best I can do, in the best way I can. I do not let myself be held to other people’s expectations, as I securely know I have done the best I can.
I am also in the process of altering my career, to something I feel more attuned to. My new path is about what I want to be doing, and what I know will give me immense fulfilment, it fills a long held desire of what I feel is my “true calling”. It is a change that will not only benefit myself, but my family. I am so very excited by this change, and it brings me so much joy to be planning it out. I have pondered over this for many years, not being able to quite put my finger on exactly “what” it was that I wanted to do. Not have I only been able to realise it, but I may be able to even blend it into my current work life, merging the two together, until a new path becomes the way.
I have a stronger understanding of my own opinions now, and yet, I also have a greater acceptance of others opinions. I do not need for everyone to agree with me. I enjoy hearing other’s beliefs and thoughts, learning from them, taking the bits that make a fit with mine, even changing how I originally felt about something, always growing stronger in the heart of my belief system.
I trust my own judgement more than I ever did, yet am able to accept that I can make errors, and I am able to forgive myself for these.
I am more patient. I am able to sit and wait things out, or just accept what I cannot change.
I don’t need other’s approval. My relationship with myself gets stronger and healthier with every birthday. All I need is my approval, based on my knowledge of that what I am doing is right for myself and for those around me.
I have learnt to be grateful. I have learnt how to have gratitude in my life. I am grateful for things that never would have crossed my mind at 25!
And best of all I get to enjoy more grown up things like a fabulous new blend of green tea, my women’s group, making healthy choices over partying lifestyle and being a kinder person.
I love this beautiful aging process, and it is amazing to realise I am only half way through it! I am looking forward to each decade. For the knowledge it brings, the contentment…the shift in consciousness.
So much to look forward to in this beautiful life.
suzy x
Friday, August 13, 2010
You are how YOU eat.
I have a confession to make; I am a terrible eater.
I wolf down my breakfast whilst standing at the kitchen counter, as I make the kid’s school lunches and coax them into hurrying up to get ready. I have even eaten my breakfast in the car on the way to work, sitting at the lights gulping down my cereal, trying not to spill it on myself as I negotiate the busy morning traffic.
Come lunchtime and I’m either at my computer at work or in front of some riveting television show such as Doctor Phil at home. Barely aware of what I am consuming, let alone how much.
After my busy day I gorge my dinner, concentrating only on satiating my appetite.
Eating is not a race, and really no one will come along and steal it from me if I don’t eat it fast enough. So why the hurry?
I don’t know how or when I picked up such terrible eating habits.
I remember having to speed it up a notch once I started breast feeding my first child- there was no time for dilly-dallying, I only had a small window of opportunity to get some food into my ravenous system!
I have decided to become a Mindful Eater and form an Eating Slowly Plan.
I will start with visualizing. I am going to visualize myself eating slowly for a short time every day, a little like an elite athlete in training before a competition.
I will begin by setting aside time for eating.
Not reading, not on the computer, not in front of the TV, not mindlessly doing something while I consume.
I will try to set up a system where I have 15-20 minutes to enjoy my meal.
Righto, once I get that down I should be all prepared and ready to go!
I will relax, take a few deep breaths, a sip of water, and acknowledge the food I am about to eat. I will be aware of what I am going to eat. Noting the name of the food, the look of the meal, lean forward and smell the different aromas. I may even give a little thank you to the food, that’s kind of sweet!
I will sit down with my plate of food. I will use smaller utensils- I knew there was a reason I held onto the kid’s toddler cutlery! I may even have to employ chopsticks- all the better to not heap up on my shovel, I mean fork. I will place my utensils down between each mouthful.
I am thinking it will be a good idea to cut my food into a tiny piece for each mouthful, making it easier to chew up completely, and much better than my usual very bad habit of “mashing” it all together which is now I think about it- all the better for shovelling! Or another favourite, getting lockjaw, whilst I attempt to get my mouth around another huge mouthful.
With all these new techniques I will be able to stop burning my mouth on a whole dumpling at Yum Cha- I will have to take along my toddler cutlery though!
I will chew slowly, I will taste, and I will deliberately notice textures and flavours. Well hello Coriander, aren’t you delightful!
I will chew till the flavours slowly decrease.
I will swallow completely.
I will sip water.
Before I take the next mouthful.
I will be aware of the people I am sharing my meal with. I will discuss the meal, after I have finished chewing and swallowing of course, not with my half full mouth covered by my hand!
I will enjoy my food.
I will change my relationship with food.
Eating slowly and chewing well will also aid my digestion. Mindful Eating will trigger the sensors that allow me to realize I am satisfied, not as hungry anymore. I will avoid overeating, and therefore maintain a healthy weight.
I am thinking by eating like this, it will give me another opportunity to “de-stress” my day. Taking time out. From the race, the pace, the busyness.
Just a sandwich, peace and quiet and me.
Mindfulness while eating — being fully present with food — can be both enjoyable and relaxing.
Thich Nhat Hanh, the Buddhist monk, encourages eating an orange slowly, being present at every stage from first breaking the peel to the last drop of juice.
The following meditation is an adaptation of Hanh’s exercise that can be used with any favourite fruit. Plan to spend ten minutes or longer on this exercise, and schedule it at a time without interruptions.
1. Breath deeply three times, slowly and carefully, or until one feels connected to the self.
2. Pick up the orange (or other fruit) and hold it in the palm of the hand. Feel its texture. Notice its colour. Spend some time examining and enjoying the orange.
3. Slowly begin to peel the orange. Notice the change that occurs under the orange’s skin. Take time to smell the orange. Gently stroke the exposed flesh.
4. When the orange is peeled, pick up a segment. Bite into it, and close the eyes to concentrate fully on the orange’s flavour. Do not take another bite until all of the previous bite is gone.
5. Pause occasionally to reflect on any new sensations from eating the orange.
6. When the orange is gone, focus again on the self with several deep breaths. When ready, open the eyes.
The orange meditation might offer a welcome afternoon snack break at work or at any time when one desires to combine a healthy food with some time out from life.
If having trouble focusing on the orange, stop and take a few deep breaths to centre the self. Then try, again, to soak in the details of the orange. Take as much time as desired, and be certain to not put too much pressure on the self during the exercise. Indeed, there is no wrong way to eat an orange.
I am really looking forward to bringing this Mindfulness method into my life, to be able to experience and enjoy food in the moment.
Beautiful food, beautiful moment, beautiful life.
suzy x
I wolf down my breakfast whilst standing at the kitchen counter, as I make the kid’s school lunches and coax them into hurrying up to get ready. I have even eaten my breakfast in the car on the way to work, sitting at the lights gulping down my cereal, trying not to spill it on myself as I negotiate the busy morning traffic.
Come lunchtime and I’m either at my computer at work or in front of some riveting television show such as Doctor Phil at home. Barely aware of what I am consuming, let alone how much.
After my busy day I gorge my dinner, concentrating only on satiating my appetite.
Eating is not a race, and really no one will come along and steal it from me if I don’t eat it fast enough. So why the hurry?
I don’t know how or when I picked up such terrible eating habits.
I remember having to speed it up a notch once I started breast feeding my first child- there was no time for dilly-dallying, I only had a small window of opportunity to get some food into my ravenous system!
I have decided to become a Mindful Eater and form an Eating Slowly Plan.
I will start with visualizing. I am going to visualize myself eating slowly for a short time every day, a little like an elite athlete in training before a competition.
I will begin by setting aside time for eating.
Not reading, not on the computer, not in front of the TV, not mindlessly doing something while I consume.
I will try to set up a system where I have 15-20 minutes to enjoy my meal.
Righto, once I get that down I should be all prepared and ready to go!
I will relax, take a few deep breaths, a sip of water, and acknowledge the food I am about to eat. I will be aware of what I am going to eat. Noting the name of the food, the look of the meal, lean forward and smell the different aromas. I may even give a little thank you to the food, that’s kind of sweet!
I will sit down with my plate of food. I will use smaller utensils- I knew there was a reason I held onto the kid’s toddler cutlery! I may even have to employ chopsticks- all the better to not heap up on my shovel, I mean fork. I will place my utensils down between each mouthful.
I am thinking it will be a good idea to cut my food into a tiny piece for each mouthful, making it easier to chew up completely, and much better than my usual very bad habit of “mashing” it all together which is now I think about it- all the better for shovelling! Or another favourite, getting lockjaw, whilst I attempt to get my mouth around another huge mouthful.
With all these new techniques I will be able to stop burning my mouth on a whole dumpling at Yum Cha- I will have to take along my toddler cutlery though!
I will chew slowly, I will taste, and I will deliberately notice textures and flavours. Well hello Coriander, aren’t you delightful!
I will chew till the flavours slowly decrease.
I will swallow completely.
I will sip water.
Before I take the next mouthful.
I will be aware of the people I am sharing my meal with. I will discuss the meal, after I have finished chewing and swallowing of course, not with my half full mouth covered by my hand!
I will enjoy my food.
I will change my relationship with food.
Eating slowly and chewing well will also aid my digestion. Mindful Eating will trigger the sensors that allow me to realize I am satisfied, not as hungry anymore. I will avoid overeating, and therefore maintain a healthy weight.
I am thinking by eating like this, it will give me another opportunity to “de-stress” my day. Taking time out. From the race, the pace, the busyness.
Just a sandwich, peace and quiet and me.
Mindfulness while eating — being fully present with food — can be both enjoyable and relaxing.
Thich Nhat Hanh, the Buddhist monk, encourages eating an orange slowly, being present at every stage from first breaking the peel to the last drop of juice.
The following meditation is an adaptation of Hanh’s exercise that can be used with any favourite fruit. Plan to spend ten minutes or longer on this exercise, and schedule it at a time without interruptions.
1. Breath deeply three times, slowly and carefully, or until one feels connected to the self.
2. Pick up the orange (or other fruit) and hold it in the palm of the hand. Feel its texture. Notice its colour. Spend some time examining and enjoying the orange.
3. Slowly begin to peel the orange. Notice the change that occurs under the orange’s skin. Take time to smell the orange. Gently stroke the exposed flesh.
4. When the orange is peeled, pick up a segment. Bite into it, and close the eyes to concentrate fully on the orange’s flavour. Do not take another bite until all of the previous bite is gone.
5. Pause occasionally to reflect on any new sensations from eating the orange.
6. When the orange is gone, focus again on the self with several deep breaths. When ready, open the eyes.
The orange meditation might offer a welcome afternoon snack break at work or at any time when one desires to combine a healthy food with some time out from life.
If having trouble focusing on the orange, stop and take a few deep breaths to centre the self. Then try, again, to soak in the details of the orange. Take as much time as desired, and be certain to not put too much pressure on the self during the exercise. Indeed, there is no wrong way to eat an orange.
I am really looking forward to bringing this Mindfulness method into my life, to be able to experience and enjoy food in the moment.
Beautiful food, beautiful moment, beautiful life.
suzy x
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Love is not Controlled
I love that I am free to be me…
I love that the people I love don’t want to control me or change me. I love that they allow me to be me, that they love me for who I am and how I am.
Love is not Control. Wanting to Control a loved one is a weakness, an insecurity that comes from you and your self-doubts.
How often have we had people in our lives, partners, family, friends, our children; who try to control us, or we try to control them.
Love is freedom; to allow the person we love to be themselves…the very self that we love.
When we start a new relationship (and from hereon when I say relationship I mean all relationships, family, friends, partners) there are always so many things about the person that we find to love, in fact we love 99 % of all that is them!
Then sadly for some relationships what were once the very things we loved become an issue and we want to control it, change it…change them.
We have all known this situation; an open, friendly, bubbly person being told to tone down their behavior by someone in their life who cannot handle the free spirit of their loved one.
And as I said, it is not always a partner; it can be a friend or family member too.
I am very blessed to be married to a man who allows me to be me.
He has NEVER asked me to change ONE THING about myself.
During our Wedding Speech, I thanked him for loving me…the way I need to be loved, as he does this so beautifully.
I have had to learn to be as Zen as him!
Back in the early days of our relationship when I was younger and emotionally immature I too wanted to control the things an insecure girlfriend does, his friends, what he was doing, how he should treat me… but thankfully I did learn from him and saw that allowing him to be who he is was much healthier for us and an absolute freedom in our relationship.
When he was free to be just him, he was the man I fell in love with, and that is the man who loves me just as I am!
We always laugh off our different opinions, tastes, and thoughts on life.
And man, do we have some differences of opinion! We make fun of it and enjoy it. We don’t need each other to see, do and think all things the same. That would be kind of weird and probably very boring too!
I have been in controlling relationships though, and they were definitely no fun.
The usual; boyfriends and friends who are no longer.
I have even seen grown children trying to control a parent, grown siblings trying to control each other, as if it is some reflection on them by how the family member behaves.
There was recently someone in my life that I was extremely close to. At the time it felt we were in an incredibly loving and supportive relationship. This person was often suggesting ways I could improve myself, my family life, and even my friendships. The more I came to rely on this person’s views the more I started second-guessing my own opinions, attitudes and actions. It became a situation of walking on eggshells for me, from fear I could do something that was “wrong” and be admonished for…again. I was losing all sense of who I was and what I was about, I lost trust in myself and felt very confused, and then the relationship literally imploded on us.
Friends later spoke of being surprised at how controlled I had become and that I wasn’t recognizable as the Suzy they knew when I was around this person.
I don’t know if the person even realized herself that there appeared to be an absolute need of control over me, but the relationship had to end, as neither of us was “free” anymore.
Now I have my own children, I have had to find the balance between guiding and controlling.
Yes, when they are behaving terribly in front of others, I would love to wield my control as a powerful tool, and get them to behave exactly as I would wish. But it is important that I get this just right, that I don’t crush whom they are in my desire to get them to be whom I would like. I do not want my children to fear that they have failed to be exactly how I want them to be; I want them to know that they are loved and accepted for exactly who they are.
I guess it’s a little like this, I can control what they eat for dinner, but I cannot control their tastes- their likes or dislikes or their comments and opinions on what we are eating!
As always it pays to remember that we are only in control of our own thoughts and actions.
There is never “right or wrong”…there just “is”.
“Trying to change someone is a waste of time. The very thought of changing someone is saying that they are not good enough as they are, and it is soaked with judgment and disapproval. That is not a thought of appreciation or love, and those thoughts will only bring separation between you and that person.
You must look for the good in people to have more of it appear. As you look only for the good things in a person, you will be amazed at what your new focus reveals.” –Rhonda Byrne. The Secret Daily Teachings
I accept the beautiful people, just as they are, in my beautiful life.
suzy x
I love that the people I love don’t want to control me or change me. I love that they allow me to be me, that they love me for who I am and how I am.
Love is not Control. Wanting to Control a loved one is a weakness, an insecurity that comes from you and your self-doubts.
How often have we had people in our lives, partners, family, friends, our children; who try to control us, or we try to control them.
Love is freedom; to allow the person we love to be themselves…the very self that we love.
When we start a new relationship (and from hereon when I say relationship I mean all relationships, family, friends, partners) there are always so many things about the person that we find to love, in fact we love 99 % of all that is them!
Then sadly for some relationships what were once the very things we loved become an issue and we want to control it, change it…change them.
We have all known this situation; an open, friendly, bubbly person being told to tone down their behavior by someone in their life who cannot handle the free spirit of their loved one.
And as I said, it is not always a partner; it can be a friend or family member too.
I am very blessed to be married to a man who allows me to be me.
He has NEVER asked me to change ONE THING about myself.
During our Wedding Speech, I thanked him for loving me…the way I need to be loved, as he does this so beautifully.
I have had to learn to be as Zen as him!
Back in the early days of our relationship when I was younger and emotionally immature I too wanted to control the things an insecure girlfriend does, his friends, what he was doing, how he should treat me… but thankfully I did learn from him and saw that allowing him to be who he is was much healthier for us and an absolute freedom in our relationship.
When he was free to be just him, he was the man I fell in love with, and that is the man who loves me just as I am!
We always laugh off our different opinions, tastes, and thoughts on life.
And man, do we have some differences of opinion! We make fun of it and enjoy it. We don’t need each other to see, do and think all things the same. That would be kind of weird and probably very boring too!
I have been in controlling relationships though, and they were definitely no fun.
The usual; boyfriends and friends who are no longer.
I have even seen grown children trying to control a parent, grown siblings trying to control each other, as if it is some reflection on them by how the family member behaves.
There was recently someone in my life that I was extremely close to. At the time it felt we were in an incredibly loving and supportive relationship. This person was often suggesting ways I could improve myself, my family life, and even my friendships. The more I came to rely on this person’s views the more I started second-guessing my own opinions, attitudes and actions. It became a situation of walking on eggshells for me, from fear I could do something that was “wrong” and be admonished for…again. I was losing all sense of who I was and what I was about, I lost trust in myself and felt very confused, and then the relationship literally imploded on us.
Friends later spoke of being surprised at how controlled I had become and that I wasn’t recognizable as the Suzy they knew when I was around this person.
I don’t know if the person even realized herself that there appeared to be an absolute need of control over me, but the relationship had to end, as neither of us was “free” anymore.
Now I have my own children, I have had to find the balance between guiding and controlling.
Yes, when they are behaving terribly in front of others, I would love to wield my control as a powerful tool, and get them to behave exactly as I would wish. But it is important that I get this just right, that I don’t crush whom they are in my desire to get them to be whom I would like. I do not want my children to fear that they have failed to be exactly how I want them to be; I want them to know that they are loved and accepted for exactly who they are.
I guess it’s a little like this, I can control what they eat for dinner, but I cannot control their tastes- their likes or dislikes or their comments and opinions on what we are eating!
As always it pays to remember that we are only in control of our own thoughts and actions.
There is never “right or wrong”…there just “is”.
“Trying to change someone is a waste of time. The very thought of changing someone is saying that they are not good enough as they are, and it is soaked with judgment and disapproval. That is not a thought of appreciation or love, and those thoughts will only bring separation between you and that person.
You must look for the good in people to have more of it appear. As you look only for the good things in a person, you will be amazed at what your new focus reveals.” –Rhonda Byrne. The Secret Daily Teachings
I accept the beautiful people, just as they are, in my beautiful life.
suzy x
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